Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?
Museums
are an ideal place for visiting
, Change preposition
to visit
however
, it always causes controversy among people
. Some accuse
that as a public place, it should be free of charge, Verb problem
argue
while
some oppose that it is reasonable to pay for admission as money
is needed for maintainance
. Personally, the benefits of charging Correct your spelling
maintenance
people
outweigh the shortcomings.
First and foremost, for economic purposes, financial support is necessary to help maintain the daily working of museums
. With the open
of a museum, Replace the word
opening
for example
, light, air-con, etc are all motivated by electricity. A considerable amount of money
is caused
through the process. Verb problem
lost
Therefore
, if we are the ones who enjoy such
services, it is our responsibility to pay for them. Moreover
, due to
the long exhibition of the products in the museums
, they may break accidentally. Hence
, in the long run, money
is needed to repair the broken things in the museums
.
In addition
, charging people
is essential because money
is needed in borrowing
or Change preposition
to borrow
buying
works to be exhibited in Replace the word
buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
museums
. The things that are exhibited in the museums
usually cost a lot. For instance
, some art works
that are created by world-renowned artists. Correct your spelling
artworks
Although
some may argue that art should be free of charge in terms of the educational perspective, in order to keep providing such
high quality
learning opportunities to Add a hyphen
high-quality
people
through the visit of museums
, it is undeniable that we should pay for it.
To sum up
, several museums
charge the public for admission, although
some may be against this
action. I personally think that it is a necessity.Submitted by asllchkied on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are more explicitly stated and logically developed to further improve coherence. Connect all points directly to the thesis statement for better logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Try to introduce more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary for a higher score. Your ideas are clear, but a wider range of lexis and more sophisticated grammar could enhance your writing.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to reinforce your arguments. While your points are generally relevant, varying examples can help illustrate your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that all points made in the body paragraphs are directly answering the question of whether advantages outweigh disadvantages, to better fulfill the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You maintain focus on the main topic throughout the essay, addressing the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your writing shows a logical progression of ideas which enhances readability.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?