IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

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Museums
Use synonyms
 are an ideal place
for visiting
Change preposition
to visit
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, it always causes controversy among
people
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. Some
accuse
Verb problem
argue
show examples
 that as a public place, it should be free of charge,
while
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 some oppose that it is reasonable to pay for admission as
money
Use synonyms
 is needed for
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
. Personally, the benefits of charging
people
Use synonyms
 outweigh the shortcomings. First and foremost, for economic purposes, financial support is necessary to help maintain the daily working of
museums
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. With the
open
Replace the word
opening
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 of a museum,
for example
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, light, air-con, etc are all motivated by electricity. A considerable amount of
money
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 is
caused
Verb problem
lost
show examples
 through the process.
Therefore
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, if we are the ones who enjoy
such
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 services, it is our responsibility to pay for them.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the long exhibition of the products in the
museums
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, they may break accidentally.
Hence
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, in the long run,
money
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 is needed to repair the broken things in the
museums
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.
In addition
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, charging
people
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 is essential because
money
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 is needed
in borrowing
Change preposition
to borrow
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 or
buying
Replace the word
buy
show examples
 works to be exhibited in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
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. The things that are exhibited in the
museums
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 usually cost a lot.
For instance
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, some
art works
Correct your spelling
artworks
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 that are created by world-renowned artists.
Although
Linking Words
 some may argue that art should be free of charge in terms of the educational perspective, in order to keep providing
such
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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 learning opportunities to
people
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 through the visit of
museums
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, it is undeniable that we should pay for it.
To sum up
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, several
museums
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 charge the public for admission,
although
Linking Words
 some may be against
this
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 action. I personally think that it is a necessity.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are more explicitly stated and logically developed to further improve coherence. Connect all points directly to the thesis statement for better logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Try to introduce more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary for a higher score. Your ideas are clear, but a wider range of lexis and more sophisticated grammar could enhance your writing.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to reinforce your arguments. While your points are generally relevant, varying examples can help illustrate your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that all points made in the body paragraphs are directly answering the question of whether advantages outweigh disadvantages, to better fulfill the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You maintain focus on the main topic throughout the essay, addressing the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your writing shows a logical progression of ideas which enhances readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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