Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Website. Do you agree or disagree?

It goes without saying that
children
are using mobile in schools. An argument has been put forward that
children
's
education
is much harder in upcoming times
due to
multiple mobile
games
and social
media
sites
as compared to now. In my opinion,
this
statement holds a valid ground. There are many reasons why I agree with the given statement.
To begin
with, using public network
sites
in their schools and homes. Social
media
sites
like Facebook,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
, TikTok, etc. Those
sites
are harmful to their
education
because they are used much compared study.
Furthermore
Vloging to capture their daily routine. Capturing their daily routine
is impact
Wrong verb form
impacts
show examples
their studies because they only focus on videography , not
education
. What is
more
Add a comma
more,
show examples
this
software disturbs their studies and they only focus on other things.
Therefore
, playing
games
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
harmful to their
education
. Some
games
change their minds and never come back to study
due to
edition
Correct article usage
the edition
show examples
of gaming the most common thing in these
games
is daily tasks.
On the other hand
, Playing
games
also
disturb
Correct subject-verb agreement
disturbs
show examples
their mental level.
Finally
,
due to
these
things
Add a comma
things,
show examples
education
will be much
difficult
Correct quantifier usage
more difficult
show examples
in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
years.
However
, some people might argue that mobile is good for
this
generation. They believe that students learn some software and programming with mobile.
According to
them, social
media
is a perfect news network.
In addition
to
this
, they
also
say that when
children
or students use social platforms they know what is going on in
this
world or country. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
although
mobile
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
good they have
also
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
impact on student study.
Therefore
, Social
media
, Video graphy and playing
games
are not for
children
to use or play.
Submitted by saifkhandik1 on

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task achievement
You should aim to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a stronger logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Utilize transitional phrases and sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a good structure to your response.
task achievement
You have addressed the question and provided multiple points to support your opinion, reflecting a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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