Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Website. Do you agree or disagree?

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It goes without saying that
children
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are using mobile in schools. An argument has been put forward that
children
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's
education
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is much harder in upcoming times
due to
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multiple mobile
games
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and social
media
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sites
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as compared to now. In my opinion,
this
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statement holds a valid ground. There are many reasons why I agree with the given statement.
To begin
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with, using public network
sites
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in their schools and homes. Social
media
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sites
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like Facebook,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
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, TikTok, etc. Those
sites
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are harmful to their
education
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because they are used much compared study.
Furthermore
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Vloging to capture their daily routine. Capturing their daily routine
is impact
Wrong verb form
impacts
show examples
their studies because they only focus on videography , not
education
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. What is
more
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more,
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this
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software disturbs their studies and they only focus on other things.
Therefore
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, playing
games
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
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harmful to their
education
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. Some
games
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change their minds and never come back to study
due to
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edition
Correct article usage
the edition
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of gaming the most common thing in these
games
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is daily tasks.
On the other hand
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, Playing
games
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also
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disturb
Correct subject-verb agreement
disturbs
show examples
their mental level.
Finally
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,
due to
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these
things
Add a comma
things,
show examples
education
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will be much
difficult
Correct quantifier usage
more difficult
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in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
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years.
However
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, some people might argue that mobile is good for
this
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generation. They believe that students learn some software and programming with mobile.
According to
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them, social
media
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is a perfect news network.
In addition
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to
this
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, they
also
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say that when
children
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or students use social platforms they know what is going on in
this
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world or country. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
although
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mobile
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
good they have
also
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negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
impact on student study.
Therefore
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, Social
media
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, Video graphy and playing
games
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are not for
children
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to use or play.

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task achievement
You should aim to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a stronger logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Utilize transitional phrases and sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a good structure to your response.
task achievement
You have addressed the question and provided multiple points to support your opinion, reflecting a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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