In the past, everyone wore clothes according to their culture but now people wear similar clothes all around the world. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There are
reducement
Correct your spelling
reduction
of
wearing traditional Change preposition
in
clothes
around the globe. This
phenomena
is a negative development because (1) soft Change the determiner
phenomenon
power
successfully
done by Add a missing verb
is successfully
dominant
culture of fashion, (2) the Add an article
the dominant
more
richer the foreign brand (3) Change the word
apply
Correct article usage
the next
next generation
potentially doesn'Add a hyphen
next-generation
t
recognise their uniqueness in apparel
.
soft power
succsessfully
done by Correct your spelling
successfully
dominant
culture of fashion. Soft Add an article
the dominant
power
, as we know, can be done by its promotion in media that called
Wrong verb form
calls
people
to do what they actually don't
have to do. In apparel
industries, popularise one type of clothes
Wrong verb form
clothing
due to
its promotion and narrative led to people
to
leaving their traditional ones. The reason behind Change preposition
apply
this
action is people
doesn'
Change the verb form
don't
t
want to leave
behind by Wrong verb form
be left
current
trend Correct article usage
the current
of
fashion. The utilisation of Change preposition
in
clothes
, which are similar to each other, lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
success
of soft Add an article
the success
power
by the dominant. This
soft power
are
usually done by West and the other leaving their Change the verb form
is
authencity
. Correct your spelling
authenticity
In addition
of
Change preposition
to
this
advertising and discourse, the producer
of dominant Fix the agreement mistake
producers
apparel
have huge profit
.
The Fix the agreement mistake
profits
significance
increase Replace the word
significant
of
income by foreign Change preposition
in
company
is Fix the agreement mistake
companies
also
a downside of limitation
of wearing Correct article usage
the limitation
the
authentic Correct article usage
apply
clothes
phenomena. The high demand of
well-known Change preposition
for
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
clothes
lead
to Change the verb form
leads
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
discrepancy
between the two Fix the agreement mistake
discrepancies
producer
. Change to a plural noun
producers
This
difference can be seen that
the seller of the traditional have low Change preposition
in that
income
and struggle to sustain their business, Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
whereas
top apparel
brands in Mall
sustain and many Correct article usage
the Mall
people
buy their products in Indonesia. As a result
of this
way of life, the importance and awareness around Correct article usage
the authencity
authencity
of Correct your spelling
authenticity
clothes
is
Change the verb form
are
could'
Correct your spelling
couldn't
t
be considered by people
in one country.
The low attention to the marshall of local apparel
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
next
generation that Correct article usage
the next
doens'
Correct your spelling
doesn't
t
know about their cultural tops. Next generation by
the moment they are small until they growing up already use Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
ones
common tops will Fix the agreement mistake
one
knowledge
it as their culture and lead to Replace the word
know
extinction
of the real ones. Add an article
the extinction
This
is very dangerous for Correct article usage
the country
country
Change noun form
country's
identitiy
in the long term.
In Correct your spelling
identity
Conclude
, the phenomena where Replace the word
conclusion
people
less wearing
their authentic Wrong verb form
wear
clothes
bring considerable downside
, Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
such
people
being affected by soft Change preposition
as people
power
, less income received by the local
, and Fix the agreement mistake
locals
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
significant
to the youngsters. Replace the word
significance
Therefore
, we must balance the two to sustain ours.Submitted by auzarinawukirasih19 on
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task response
The essay presents a central theme but lacks clarity in task response. Try structuring your arguments more logically and clearly addressing both positive and negative aspects, if the essay prompt requires it.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Use connectors and linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Add more specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your position and meets the task achievement criteria more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that nicely wraps up your thoughts, which is a good structural element.
task achievement
The essay includes some relevant points about cultural identity and soft power, showing good understanding of broader implications.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.