IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In the past, everyone wore clothes according to their culture but now people wear similar clothes all around the world. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#clothes #culture #people #world #development
There are
reducement
Correct your spelling
reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 wearing traditional
clothes
 around the globe.
This
phenomena
Change the determiner
phenomenon
show examples
 is a negative development because (1) soft
power
successfully
Add a missing verb
is successfully
show examples
 done by
dominant
Add an article
the dominant
show examples
 culture of fashion, (2) the
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
richer the foreign brand (3)
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
next generation
Add a hyphen
next-generation
show examples
 potentially doesn'
t
 recognise their uniqueness in
apparel
. soft
power
succsessfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 done by
dominant
Add an article
the dominant
show examples
 culture of fashion. Soft
power
, as we know, can be done by its promotion in media that
called
Wrong verb form
calls
show examples
people
 to do what they actually don'
t
 have to do. In
apparel
 industries, popularise one type of
clothes
Wrong verb form
clothing
show examples
due to
 its promotion and narrative led to
people
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
leaving their traditional ones. The reason behind
this
 action is
people
doesn'
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
t
 want to
leave
Wrong verb form
be left
show examples
 behind by
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fashion. The utilisation of
clothes
, which are similar to each other,
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
success
Add an article
the success
show examples
 of soft
power
 by the dominant.
This
 soft
power
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 usually done by West and the other leaving their
authencity
Correct your spelling
authenticity
.
In addition
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 advertising and discourse, the
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
show examples
 of dominant
apparel
 have huge
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
. The
significance
Replace the word
significant
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 income by foreign
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 is
also
 a downside of
limitation
Correct article usage
the limitation
show examples
 of wearing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
authentic
clothes
 phenomena. The high demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 well-known
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
clothes
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
discrepancy
Fix the agreement mistake
discrepancies
show examples
 between the two
producer
Change to a plural noun
producers
show examples
.
This
 difference can be seen
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 the seller of the traditional have low
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 and struggle to sustain their business,
whereas
 top
apparel
 brands in
Mall
Correct article usage
the Mall
show examples
 sustain and many
people
 buy their products in Indonesia.
As a result
 of
this
 way of life, the importance and awareness around
Correct article usage
the authencity
show examples
authencity
Correct your spelling
authenticity
 of
clothes
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
could'
Correct your spelling
couldn't
t
 be considered by
people
 in one country. The low attention to the marshall of local
apparel
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation that
doens'
Correct your spelling
doesn't
t
 know about their cultural tops. Next generation
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the moment they are small until they growing up already use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 common tops will
knowledge
Replace the word
know
show examples
 it as their culture and lead to
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of the real ones.
This
 is very dangerous for
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
identitiy
Correct your spelling
identity
 in the long term. In
Conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, the phenomena where
people
less wearing
Wrong verb form
wear
show examples
 their authentic
clothes
 bring considerable
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
,
such
people
Change preposition
as people
show examples
 being affected by soft
power
, less income received by the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
, and
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
significant
Replace the word
significance
show examples
 to the youngsters.
Therefore
, we must balance the two to sustain ours.
Submitted by auzarinawukirasih19 on

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task response
The essay presents a central theme but lacks clarity in task response. Try structuring your arguments more logically and clearly addressing both positive and negative aspects, if the essay prompt requires it.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Use connectors and linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Add more specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your position and meets the task achievement criteria more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that nicely wraps up your thoughts, which is a good structural element.
task achievement
The essay includes some relevant points about cultural identity and soft power, showing good understanding of broader implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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