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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security. cameras. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
Monitory - it is
way
Correct article usage
a way
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 to get information about other people through
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
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 or security cameras.
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Nowadays technologies are well-developed and have some
settin
Correct your spelling
settings
 which
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 private information (location, Biography) of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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.
This
 type of news
are
Change the verb form
is
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 available for many people.
In
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On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand it is really useful and easy to know about someone's life.
In
Change preposition
On
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another
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
Correct word choice
other hand
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it could be very dangerous. So Why?
According to
high-developed
Correct your spelling
developed
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technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
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 we can find our lost items
such
 as phones, tablets,
airports
Correct word choice
and airports
show examples
 very fast without someone's help. It is a
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 way for us Using
tracker
Correct article usage
a tracker
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 to
stalker
Replace the word
stalk
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 another pupil's life
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is really harmful and incorrectly. As long as we
mustn't
Verb problem
can't
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 control another human's life. It is strictly forbidden and
Begging
Verb problem
the beginning
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 stage of kidnapping. It
is seems
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seems
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 like add addition. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I can say that using the technologies
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the state of art don't outweigh their disadvantages, Let's
Beyourself
Correct your spelling
be ourselves
 and stop
to track
Wrong verb form
tracking
show examples
 someone else answer on the other side of
this
 sheet.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on constructing a more coherent and logical flow of ideas. Use paragraphs to separate ideas distinctly and employ linking words to connect them smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and illustrate your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully develop your response and thoroughly address all aspects of the question. Consider both advantages and disadvantages in detail when asked.
Introduction
You have introduced the topic and provided some perspective on the advantages and disadvantages.
Critical Thinking
You present both positive and negative aspects of technology usage in monitoring, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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