We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, the internet
hane
taken over pretty much every corner of Correct your spelling
has
the
society. Nearly everyone Correct article usage
apply
haves
Verb problem
has
the
access to it and some of them Correct article usage
apply
who does
store very much everything about their life. Some believe that the disadvantages of Verb problem
apply
internet
in terms of being safe overweight the advantages. I agree with the statement and I am going to elaborate on my views with examples in Correct article usage
the internet
further
paragraphs.
On one hand, the normal life of a
individual is fully dependent on technology. Whether it is communicating via calls and messages or buying things online, it Change the article
an
make
everyday activities a lot more easier. Change the verb form
makes
Moreover
, internet
Add an article
the internet
is
Verb problem
has
also
there
primary source of boost in Replace the word
their
economy
and employment, Correct article usage
the economy
since
the past few decades. Change preposition
for
For instance
, ever since online service
and apps Fix the agreement mistake
services
exists
, Change the verb form
exist
it
open a lot more career opportunities for youngsters to pursue.
Correct pronoun usage
they
On the other hand
, one of the biggest disadvantages of the online network is that there is not a really safe medium to use it. However
, it is extremely easy to trapped
by cyber thieves. Add a missing verb
be trapped
For example
, there are endless phone calls and website links we recieve
, which Correct your spelling
receive
claims
to give Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
discount
or lottery Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
prize
. Fix the agreement mistake
prizes
Nevertheless
, the easy way to avoid this
is by using apps or websites to recognise their owner and report them.
In conclusion, the use of network
really made our Fix the agreement mistake
networks
life
simpler, even though there are some threats everyone should be cautious of. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Furthermore
, i
believe we can easily get rid of these fake websites by spreading social awareness and taking strict actions against these hackers.Change the capitalization
I
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed with evidence or examples. For instance, your paragraph on disadvantages could be strengthened with more specific details on how cyber threats impact individuals.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer progression of ideas. Ensure that each point naturally follows the previous one, guiding the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The examples could be more specific and relevant to the points being discussed; for instance, include statistics or case studies on economic impact or cyber threats.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
You have effectively acknowledged both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet, which provides a balanced view to the discussion.
task achievement
Your conclusion offers a constructive solution by suggesting social awareness and strict actions against hackers, which adds depth to your response.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.