The pie charts below describe the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below describe  the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New

Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Pie charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
sales
in
onling
Correct your spelling
online
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
by retail sectors in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.
Overall
,
travel
takes the big
part
of
sales
while
books
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
the
less
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
percentage, hen
books
slightly decreased and
travel
dropped,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
film
and
music
increased. In 2003
travel
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
the main
part
of
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
win
Wrong verb form
winning
show examples
36% but in 2013 it decreased to 29%.
Books
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
the
less
Correct your spelling
lowest
show examples
part
of
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
chart mir 19%, and increased in 2013
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
22%
film
and
music
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
21 percent in 2003, but in 2013
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
increased to 33% Meanwhile, clothes decreased from 24% in 2003 to 16% in 2013. Online
sales
for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
part
of
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
show examples
comes to
travel
,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
books
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
less.
film
and
Music
has 21% ha
while
clothes 24%.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
in 2013 There
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
big changes
film
and
music
became the most
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
meanwhile clothes the less.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, travel, part, books, film, music with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: