IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that children should start school at the age of six or seven while others think that children should start school as young as possible. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #school #age #six #seven
The discussions over the start
age
 of children for education
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 sparked controversial debate. It is thought by some people that
six
 and seven are the most suitable
age
,
while
 others hold the belief that how much earlier children become for school, the more benefits can be yielded.
Although
 each of
this view
Fix the agreement mistake
these views
show examples
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own advantages, in my opinion, the opinion of those who support the idea of
six
Correct article usage
the six
show examples
 and
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 factor seems more appealing.
To begin
 with, undoubtedly, if pupils begin earlier for studying, they will graduate
school
Change preposition
from school
show examples
 a little bit earlier
at the end
 of the education period. In
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
turn,
this
 allows them strive to
Change preposition
in the
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 career lives.
In addition
, it is backed up by some scientific
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 that
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 brain is far stronger than
further
 years of life. The case in point is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 scholars from Istanbul University detected after careful investigations that
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 works both logically and efficiently at
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of four and five.
However
, most experts point out that
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 4 and 5 should be assessed in terms of adaptation to the family, rather than
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 process. Another thing
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 not be overlooked is
age
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 ones who are at the
age
 of 6 are more capable of
grasp
Wrong verb form
grasping
show examples
 the issues and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 more quickly, compared to younger ages.
Firstly
, at
this
age
, their communication abilities reach enough level which
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
 them to develop and carry to the
further
 stages.
Secondly
, their psychology and health states would have been in a
such
 condition that realizing the meaning of subjects might be easier.
Thus
, I reckon that
six
 and seven are
approprioate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beginners and support
this
 idea. In conclusion,
while
 getting
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the ages of four and five, from my own perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
six
 and seven ages is positive and useful for children.
Submitted by agayevnamiq842 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on connecting your ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Using connectives and linking words can help in making the essay flow better.
task achievement
Ensure each point you make is clearly supported with a relevant example. Adding more specific evidence or real-life examples could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Try to elaborate your ideas a little more to clarify comprehensive thoughts on the subject. This way, your essay's main points will be clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to structure the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced discussion of both views with an opinion provided, addressing the task well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: