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Band 5

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #future #planet #species #support #life
There are many competitive elements in the
school
 system, some people think that
this
 encourages success and others think it has the opposite effect.
Although
 both views are with merit, in my opinion, it depends on the child.
Firstly
, it is argued that competition gives
students
 the encouragement to push themselves beyond what they would normally
.
Add a missing verb
do.
show examples
This
 can be seen in institutions which have a range of competitive sports and
also
 offer prizes and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
competitions
 in other academic subjects. Talented
students
 who participate in these events can get amazing results because they want to be the best in the class or the
school
.
However
, there are
also
 some
students
 that do not get amazing results and in every
competition
Add a comma
competition,
show examples
 there is a
looser
Correct your spelling
loser
show examples
. It is
for
this
 reason that some people question the competitive atmosphere in our
school
.
Students
 can
be losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 motivation if they do not do well in
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
 and can experience a range of negative feelings and emotions. It is arguable that schools should inspire people to want
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
 throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. All children should be encouraged to take part in activities without the fear of a negative outcome. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 there are some benefits to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
students
 to take part in
competitions
. They will feel encouraged and develop their skills more than they might without the competitive environment.
However
, as it can
also
 negatively
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 some
students
, It is my opinion that the
school
 should limit the use of
competitions
 and help
students
 to be motivated every day. For
students
 who respond well to
competitions
Add a comma
competitions,
show examples
 there should be opportunities available for them to compete but
this
 should not be compulsory.
Submitted by 361109698 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, making your points more concrete and relatable.
task achievement
Ensure there are no spelling mistakes, such as 'looser', which should be 'loser', to enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by considering both perspectives of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, effectively setting up the argument and summarizing key points.
coherence cohesion
The use of connectors and cohesive devices is generally well-managed, linking ideas together smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable development
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity loss
  • climate change
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitable planets
  • space colonization
  • terraforming
  • ethical dilemmas
  • resource allocation
  • technological advancements
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