IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in modern society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, everyone should pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
attention to
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 as a habit.
This
Linking Words
 practice
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 not only useful for
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 individuals but
also
Linking Words
 it is worth
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 all age ranges in society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the way of saving
money
Use synonyms
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their future. On one hand,
Use synonyms
money saving
Add a hyphen
money-saving
show examples
 allows
to secure
Change the verb form
securing
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 retirement period of people. None of
Add an article
the individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 able to work throughout
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole lifetime.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there should be a considerable amount of savings on hand. When a person
will be getting
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 older,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 might be
happen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of health disasters.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, seniors will have to accomplish their fundamental necessities without
participate
Change the verb form
participating
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
. To overcome these obstacles, senior citizens should have a power of monitory status. If individuals are unable to attend it properly, definitely it will be
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggle
show examples
 with these challenges. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
show examples
also
Linking Words
 pay their concern to
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. Mostly, young people
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 quite limited income.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 pocket
money
Use synonyms
, internship allowance or any other minor remuneration. Even though, they should have an attitude of saving.
They
Add a verb
They are
They were
show examples
 able to control their
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, based on the technology development, they
also
Linking Words
 have
facility
Add an article
the facility
a facility
show examples
 of creating their own
money
Use synonyms
 plans. When
youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
show examples
 save
money
Use synonyms
 step by step, eventually, it will be a considerable saving. Apart from that, it can be invested in an optimum investment source or
Correct article usage
a verity
show examples
verity
Correct your spelling
variety
show examples
 of sources.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 allows
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
stable future
also
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was a kid I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had a habit of saving and after that, when I was entering the university, I was able to purchase a laptop
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 my own. It gave me a sense of accomplishment which anyone can obtain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, It is
prove
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 saving is significant
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every person. As
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 elder, it would assist
to secure
Change preposition
in securing
show examples
 retirement period
while
Linking Words
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 would help to ensure their higher education and future plans.
According to
Linking Words
 my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 it should be practiced to enhance saving
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
argued
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
 the reasons for that.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and flows logically into the next one. Improve logical ordering.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to consistently support your main points.
task achievement
Ensure more precision in word choice and grammar to effectively communicate ideas.
task achievement
The essay makes relevant points about the importance of saving for both elderly people and young individuals.
coherence cohesion
You have included a personal example that adds weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, with a clear restatement of opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: