It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is true that
,
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apply
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money
plays a crucial role in modern society.
Therefore
, everyone should pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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attention to
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
money
as a habit.
This
practice
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
not only useful for
matured
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mature
show examples
individuals but
also
it is worth
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
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all age ranges in society.
This
essay will argue that the way of saving
money
affect
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affects
show examples
to
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apply
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their future. On one hand,
money saving
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money-saving
show examples
allows
to secure
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securing
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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retirement period of people. None of
Add an article
the individual
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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has
Verb problem
is
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able to work throughout
the
Change the word
their
show examples
whole lifetime.
Therefore
, there should be a considerable amount of savings on hand. When a person
will be getting
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
older,
their
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there
show examples
might be
happen
Verb problem
apply
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a
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apply
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plenty of health disasters.
In addition
to that, seniors will have to accomplish their fundamental necessities without
participate
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participating
show examples
on
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in
show examples
the
work force
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workforce
show examples
. To overcome these obstacles, senior citizens should have a power of monitory status. If individuals are unable to attend it properly, definitely it will be
struggled
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struggle
show examples
with these challenges. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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hand,
adolescences
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adolescents
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also
pay their concern to
save
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saving
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money
. Mostly, young people
received
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receive
show examples
quite limited income.
Such
as
,
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apply
show examples
pocket
money
, internship allowance or any other minor remuneration. Even though, they should have an attitude of saving.
They
Add a verb
They are
They were
show examples
able to control their
consumptions
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consumption
show examples
.
Moreover
, based on the technology development, they
also
have
facility
Add an article
the facility
a facility
show examples
of creating their own
money
plans. When
youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
show examples
save
money
step by step, eventually, it will be a considerable saving. Apart from that, it can be invested in an optimum investment source or
Correct article usage
a verity
show examples
verity
Correct your spelling
variety
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of sources.
Furthermore
,
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
money
allows
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
stable future
also
.
For instance
, when I was a kid I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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had a habit of saving and after that, when I was entering the university, I was able to purchase a laptop
by
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on
show examples
my own. It gave me a sense of accomplishment which anyone can obtain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, It is
prove
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
that
,
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
saving is significant
in
Change preposition
for
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every person. As
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
elder, it would assist
to secure
Change preposition
in securing
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retirement period
while
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
would help to ensure their higher education and future plans.
According to
my point of
view
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view,
show examples
it should be practiced to enhance saving
habit
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habits
show examples
.
This
essay
argued
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
the reasons for that.
Submitted by dilkiapsara on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and flows logically into the next one. Improve logical ordering.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to consistently support your main points.
task achievement
Ensure more precision in word choice and grammar to effectively communicate ideas.
task achievement
The essay makes relevant points about the importance of saving for both elderly people and young individuals.
coherence cohesion
You have included a personal example that adds weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, with a clear restatement of opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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