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Band 5.5

In today's competitive world, many families need both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #absence
In
this
 day and age,
both
parents
 have to go to
for earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 additional income
due to
 the rise of competition. People hold different views about whether
this
 trend brings
children
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of life or causes
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 shortage of
parents'
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 support.
Both
 views have valid points, and it is crucial to examine their merits and drawbacks before forming an opinion. On the one hand, dual-income families tend to have a better living standard than others.
Firstly
,
children
 have more opportunities to access
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 education when they are young, helping them improve
both
 physical and cognitive abilities.
Additionally
, kids could
experienced
Change the verb form
experience
show examples
 more new
interesting
Correct word choice
and interesting
show examples
 things which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 difficult to do if
parents
 lack of stable financial budget.
Moreover
, having an extra income allows people to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain
hardship
Fix the agreement mistake
hardships
show examples
 era, especially economic downturns.
On the other hand
, the involvement of
both
parents
 in the workforce may cause several negative influences on
children
 owing to their absence at home. First of all, the relationship between
parents
 and
children
 is more strained, conflicts are likely to occur
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of understanding and sympathy in mutuality.
Furthermore
,
children
 with no parental guidance are
easy to
Replace the word
easily
show examples
mislead
Wrong verb form
misled
show examples
 the right way, eventually leading to subpar academic results and misbehaviour. Indeed, youths may overcome the feeling of anxiety
due to
 the absence of parental support and communication, seriously affecting their emotional development. In conclusion, I believe that
both
parents
 working can lead to some significant drawbacks for
children
, including
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
 impact on the development of
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
.
Submitted by ng.hg.ly28 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen coherence by using more varied linking words and transition phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points more effectively, such as specific scenarios or statistics, if possible.
Language Accuracy
Check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases (e.g., "go to for earning" should be "go out to work to earn").
Task Achievement
Both views are discussed, showcasing an understanding of the topic's different perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion summarizing the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Several reasons are provided to support each viewpoint, showing logical thinking and organisation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income household
  • financial stability
  • extracurricular activities
  • role models
  • self-reliance
  • independent
  • emotional well-being
  • work-life balance
  • neglected
  • quality time
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