Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that former prisoners can change their attitudes and transform into good citizens. And that their transformation made us the best to sensibilize children about the dangers of breaking the law. I agree with that for two reasons :

First,

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ex-offenders are able to become good members of our society and

then

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, I think that they are the best people to talk about these dangers.

To begin

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, prisons have been created to change the attitude of detainees, so it is logical that they can become good citizens. They spend months or years in a small space with usually no distractions, so they have time to question themselves about what they did wrong before and what they could improve in the future. And

then

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when they get out of prison, the majority of them become good members of our society.

According to

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a study at Stanford University in California in 2021, 89% of former convicts successfully reintegrate into society, and 18% of them, have high-responsibility jobs.

Next,

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I think that former offenders who succeed in their reintegration are the best people to talk to teenagers about the exposure of breaking the law. Indeed, those know what they did wrong in their lives, so their testimonies can be very interesting for younger generations.

For example

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last

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February, in a French school in Paris, a former detainee came to narrate his history.

According to

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a survey, most students realize for the first time how a crime can destroy life.

Moreover

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, the fact that it is a prisoner who talks about the danger, is a way for them to repair, in some way, the infraction that they have committed.

To conclude

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, I agree with both ideas, even if all the prisoners are not, good citizens, after prison is the best to sensibilize teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.

santos_dij

Oct 4, 2024

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coherence and cohesion

Improve the clarity of your main points. Make sure each point is clear and easy to understand.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This can help your writing flow more smoothly.

task achievement

Ensure your examples are directly related to your main points for better support.

task achievement

Try to include a more balanced view in your conclusion to show a deeper understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.

task achievement

You provide relevant examples from studies and real situations to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prisoners
rehabilitation
recidivism
consequences
insights
deterrent
guidance
support
role models
positive change

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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people feel that urban environments are more unhealthy than they have ever been. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What measures can be effective in tackling this problem?

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT RESOURCES SHOULD BE SPENT ON PROTECTING WILD ANIMALS, WHILE OTHERS THINK THOSE WOULD BE BETTER USED FOR THE HUMAN POPULATION.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion