Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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We usually think that

people

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who have been in prison before are in a great position to educate children about what are the risks of criminal

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

This

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task strongly agrees with

this

Linking Words

idea , since the personal experience of the

ex-crimianals

Correct your spelling

ex-criminals

makes their message more credible , understandable and impactful, and they can be powerful role models for a change.

Firstly

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, former prisoners can give relevant insights

as for

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into

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the consequences of crime. Unlike our teachers or authority figures who probably speak only in theory, these individuals have experienced directly the negative effects of criminality,

such

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as giving up on their freedom, broken relationships with family or friends, and very limited options

as in

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for

show examples

future opportunities.

As a result

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, children are more likely to listen carefully , relate and have sympathy for their stories.

For example

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, a young person hearing an account of prison conditions and how it destroys individuals

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

may understand better the seriousness of crime than through frequent warnings in school.

Secondly

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, former offenders who have rebuilt their

life

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lives

show examples

can be an inspiring example of positive personal transformation. Their stories prove that it is possible to change ways and build a future

getting

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, getting

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over previous mistakes.

This

Linking Words

is highly motivating for teenagers who feel lost or are under

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

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influence . As proof , an old criminal who now contributes positively to society can show

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apply

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young

people

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that by making the right choices , it is possible to find a truly stable and happy life.

To conclude

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, I entirely agree that reformed prisoners are clearly among the most effective

people

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to educate about crime and its consequences , as their experiences are both convincing and inspirational, helping to prevent young

people

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from making harmful decisions.

santos_dij

Oct 4, 2024

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coherence cohesion

Make your main idea more exact in each body part. This will help the reader follow your point more easily.

coherence cohesion

Use linking words in a more natural way. Some are good, but a few parts feel a little forced or not fully right.

task achievement

Give one more clear and real example. Your examples are useful, but they are still a bit general.

task achievement

Be careful with parts that do not fully answer the task. You agree very strongly, but you do not talk about any possible limits.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a clear end.

coherence cohesion

Each body part has one main point and this makes the essay easy to follow.

task achievement

You answer the question clearly and keep your opinion the same from start to end.

task achievement

Your ideas are relevant and easy to understand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prisoners
rehabilitation
recidivism
consequences
insights
deterrent
guidance
support
role models
positive change

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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

Your landlord is asking to increase the rent. Write a letter to him. In your letter, you should tell: why you think the rent shouldn’t be increased what you will do if it is increased

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

***The way children spend their free time has been altered by new technologies. Are the benefits of this greater than the drawbacks?*** ***Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.***

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

The way children spend their free time has been altered by new technologies. Are the benefits of this greater than the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.