IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some
formers
Replace the word
former
 prisoners change and become respectable and honest members of the community
, there
Punctuation problem
. There
show examples
 is a common point of view that these individuals are the most appropriate
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 to talk to young
people
Use synonyms
 about the
consequences
Use synonyms
 of criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 perception because
firstly
Linking Words
, in
prison
Use synonyms
, these individuals have known
people
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 guilty of
crimes
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 and
see
Wrong verb form
have seen
show examples
 how they ended, so they can explain very well the
consequences
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, after
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 in
prison
Use synonyms
 and given thoughts to their actions, they should be able to explain that most
people
Use synonyms
 end up regretting them and feeling bad with them selfs.
Body paragraph 1
The first point is that in
Use synonyms
prison
Punctuation problem
prison,
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 these individuals have probably known some
people
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 guilty of
crimes
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 and
see
Wrong verb form
seen
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 how they ended. They have talked to many
people
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
passed
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pasts
 and see how they all ended up in the same situation, in jail. Because of that, they are ideal
people
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 to explain that
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
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it’s
Correct pronoun usage
is
show examples
 very dangerous for your future.
For instance
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, if a former prisoner
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 met someone
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 ended up in jail because he drove drunk and killed someone in an
accident
Punctuation problem
accident,
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 he can well explain after that the terrible
consequences
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 of the actions we do without thinking.
Body paragraph 2
The second point is that their experience in
prison
Use synonyms
 can help them show that many
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 ended up feeling guilty. Indeed, the former prisoners have had the
wonderfull
Correct your spelling
wonderful
 opportunity to think about their
action
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actions
show examples
 and go back to the good path.
In addition
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, talking to
others
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 prisoners
have help
Correct subject-verb agreement
has helped
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 them even more
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
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 that many
crimes
Use synonyms
 are committed by mistake. With all
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 experience, they are the perfect citizens to explain the results and
consequences
Use synonyms
 of committing a crime.
For example
Linking Words
, someone who has
stoled
Verb problem
robbed
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 a supermarket for fun with his friend and is now in jail for one year is a good person to explain how to avoid
action
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actions
show examples
 that you later regret.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I agree that after
prison
Use synonyms
,
people
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 become good citizens and are the perfect persons to talk about the dangers of committing a crime
du
Correct your spelling
due
 to their experience and knowledge.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. You agree, but say that these people can be very good speakers only if they have truly changed and can speak in a safe, honest way.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. Explain how a real story can make young people see the harm that crime can do to victims, families, work, and future plans.
task response
Use examples that are clear but not too long. In the drink-driving example, link the story directly to why teenagers may listen and change their choices.
task response
Be careful with broad claims such as "many crimes are committed by mistake" and "they are the perfect citizens". Use softer words such as "some", "may", and "can".
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the first sentence of each main part state the exact point you will prove.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. Words such as "Because of that", "Indeed", and "In addition" should show a clear link between the two ideas around them.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times: former prisoners have experience, feel regret, and can explain crime. Add a new side in each main part instead of repeating this point.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence control so the meaning is easy to follow. For example, write "they have seen how these people ended up" instead of "see how they ended", and "committing crimes is dangerous" instead of "commit crimes it’s very dangerous".
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view from the start. Your two main reasons both fit your view.
task response
You use real-life style examples, such as drink-driving and stealing from a shop. These help show what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to understand. Each main part has a main point, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
You include both an introduction and a conclusion, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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