It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

It has become frequent among individuals to continue working for longer years in many parts of the world without the restriction of

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apply

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retirement

age

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While

Linking Words

some

people

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support

this

Linking Words

development, I tend to disagree with

this

Linking Words

because of the increasing youth unemployment rate and the inefficient output by elderly

people

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ageing

Wrong verb form

aged

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beyond 60. To commence with, the main reason why I do not support aged

people

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to keep working after a certain

age

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is because, in many countries, joblessness is a growing concern. There are many graduates who are struggling to find a position because of

lack

Correct article usage

the lack

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of vacancies in every sector.

In other words

Linking Words

, it is the aged persons who create vacancies for newcomers if they quit timely. To exemplify, Japan which has the highest percentage of the older population, faced huge unemployment in 2010 mainly

due to

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senior individuals who kept working for longer periods.

Thus

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, it seems evident to have a fixed

age

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for giving up work to create adequate places for beginners each year.

Moreover

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, another reason I believe would be the lower productivity of senior citizens.

This

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means that when

people

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cross three score years, they become less energetic and get fatigued earlier.

This

Linking Words

is certainly because, by that

age

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, body organs function slowly and cognitive abilities are restrained.

For instance

Linking Words

, senior folks are less likely to think innovatively, and sometimes they are reluctant to cope with contemporary advancements. Clearly, youngsters should be hired to ensure rapid growth and ingenuity

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the workplace. In a nutshell, the rising joblessness of adults and reduced work efficiency of senior citizens are the leading factors that advocate the fact that we should not encourage

extension

Add an article

the extension

an extension

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of the retirement

age

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muaaztousif2105Sat Oct 05 2024

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relevant specific examples

Consider providing more specific examples and data to support your arguments. For instance, instead of mentioning 'huge unemployment,' you could refer to specific statistics or studies.

logical structure

Try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Using linking words or phrases can help achieve this.

clear comprehensive ideas

Clarify and elaborate on how increased vacancies directly affect youth employment opportunities to strengthen the argument. Adding more analysis could enhance clarity.

introduction conclusion present

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that present the main argument effectively.

complete response

The task is well addressed with specific points made about the issues of youth unemployment and decreased productivity in older workers.

logical structure

Ideas are well-organized with separate paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the argument, leading to a coherent structure overall.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement age
life expectancy
economic necessity
financial insecurity
aging population
workforce diversity
knowledge transfer
cognitive benefits
age discrimination
physical capability

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It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

Both government and individual are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is too expensive to look after and repair old building. This money should be spent on building modern building instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Medical technology is responsible for an increase in human's life expectancy. Is it a boon or a curse for the mankind?