It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?
It has become frequent among individuals to continue working for longer years in many parts of the world without the restriction of
a
retirement Remove the article
apply
age
. While
some people
support this
development, I tend to disagree with this
because of the increasing youth unemployment rate and the inefficient output by elderly people
ageing
beyond 60.
To commence with, the main reason why I do not support aged Wrong verb form
aged
people
to keep working after a certain age
is because, in many countries, joblessness is a growing concern. There are many graduates who are struggling to find a position because of lack
of vacancies in every sector. Correct article usage
the lack
In other words
, it is the aged persons who create vacancies for newcomers if they quit timely. To exemplify, Japan which has the highest percentage of the older population, faced huge unemployment in 2010 mainly due to
senior individuals who kept working for longer periods. Thus
, it seems evident to have a fixed age
for giving up work to create adequate places for beginners each year.
Moreover
, another reason I believe would be the lower productivity of senior citizens. This
means that when people
cross three score years, they become less energetic and get fatigued earlier. This
is certainly because, by that age
, body organs function slowly and cognitive abilities are restrained. For instance
, senior folks are less likely to think innovatively, and sometimes they are reluctant to cope with contemporary advancements. Clearly, youngsters should be hired to ensure rapid growth and ingenuity at
the workplace.
In a nutshell, the rising joblessness of adults and reduced work efficiency of senior citizens are the leading factors that advocate the fact that we should not encourage Change preposition
in
extension
of the retirement Add an article
the extension
an extension
age
.Submitted by muaaztousif2105 on
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relevant specific examples
Consider providing more specific examples and data to support your arguments. For instance, instead of mentioning 'huge unemployment,' you could refer to specific statistics or studies.
logical structure
Try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Using linking words or phrases can help achieve this.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and elaborate on how increased vacancies directly affect youth employment opportunities to strengthen the argument. Adding more analysis could enhance clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that present the main argument effectively.
complete response
The task is well addressed with specific points made about the issues of youth unemployment and decreased productivity in older workers.
logical structure
Ideas are well-organized with separate paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the argument, leading to a coherent structure overall.