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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many people believe that education and high qualification will bring success. Others think that it is not required to achieve success in life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #education #qualification #success #life
Nowadays some
people
 believe that social media
sites
,
such
 as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young
people
 and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these
sites
 bring
people
 together in a beneficial way. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it is correct that Internet
sites
 like Twitter and Facebook have a very bad effect on teenagers and their development. Because not all teenagers use these
sites
 for good.
In addition
 to
this
, there are
people
 who insert indecent materials for young
people
 into these
sites
.
That is
 why it hinders the development of a teenager.
On the other hand
, there are
people
 who use these same
sites
 in the right direction.
For example
, they use
this
 site for dating,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
blogging,
they share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 their lives there, or
to earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
 money from streams. And they put their achievements there so that others, looking at their own achievements, take motivation from them. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I agree with the second option of discussion because I think that
such
 internet
sites
 will help young
people
 to develop
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social relationships.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support each view. Providing concrete instances will strengthen the arguments presented.
coherence and cohesion
Work on a more structured introduction that outlines the main points clearly, as well as a concluding paragraph that effectively summarizes the discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, fulfilling the requirement to discuss different views.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with paragraphs that separate different ideas and perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized training
  • access to better job opportunities
  • higher income potential
  • network with influential peers and mentors
  • intrinsic motivation
  • practical experience
  • personal talents
  • stifle creativity
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • formal education
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