IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #oil #world #resources #sources #power #wind
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world, many countries are investing a gargantuan amount of money into looking for
oil
Use synonyms
. Given that the world's
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 will fall into shortage
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, people think that we should rather spend the money on finding new energy
resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as wind and solar. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective, as clean energy
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more eco-friendly and not influenced by
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 countries' social conditions. One significant advantage of searching for natural
sources
Use synonyms
 is that they are friendly to the environment. If we use the
power
Use synonyms
 of wind, solar or water, the carbon footprint can decrease, leading to preventing global warming.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, using
oil
Use synonyms
 is much more detrimental to the earth.
For example
Linking Words
,
aireplanes
Correct your spelling
aeroplanes
 and vehicles
useing
Correct your spelling
Using
oil
Use synonyms
emit
Correct subject-verb agreement
emits
show examples
 a large amount of greenhouse gases. As humanity
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 facing an existential crisis
due to
Linking Words
 global warming now,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 exploiting clean
resources
Use synonyms
 is practical. Another merit is that new
sources
Use synonyms
 can not be affected by global
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as wars.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the war between Ukraine and Russia, the price of
oil
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 rising, leading to an increase in
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of living, pressing our daily lives. When it comes to natural
resources
Use synonyms
, every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 potentially
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 them,
therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation above can not
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
show examples
, which means natural
sources
Use synonyms
 of
power
Use synonyms
 can contribute to
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 life. In, conclusion, developing new clean
sources
Use synonyms
 of
power
Use synonyms
 will definitely outweigh the
desadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantaged
, as it is environmentally friendly, which is important now, and
also
Linking Words
 it helps our sustainable living.
Thus
Linking Words
, we should use money to create new clean energy
power
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of searching for
oil
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Ensure all examples are fully developed and relevant, such as providing more details on how clean energy impacts the global economy.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on the argument that renewable energy sources are unaffected by global issues. More examples or details about potential challenges or limitations of renewables would strengthen this point.
introduction conclusion present
Strongly articulated introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay.
logical structure
Logical flow between paragraphs, with each new idea building on the previous.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: