The pie charts below show the frequency of snacking in children while playing electronic games. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#show #frequency #children #games #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The

given

Verb problem

apply

show examples

pie charts provide information about the percentages of devices, used by individuals from

Correct article usage

the 18

show examples

to 24 age group in Malaysia between 2009 and 2019.

Overall

, the three devices (conventional

, laptop, and

dekstop

Correct your spelling

desktop

computer) experienced a downward trend

while

others (flat-screen

, mobile phone, and tablet) showed an upward trend throughout the

period

Although

conventional

had the highest

user

Fix the agreement mistake

number of users

show examples

, it was outraced by flat-screen

Fix the agreement mistake

TVs

show examples

at the end

of the

period

. In 2009, conventional

accounted for 30% of the users

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and experienced

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

than eightfold decrease to 4% in 2019.

Similarly

, in 2009,

laptop

Fix the agreement mistake

laptops

show examples

and

dekstop

Correct your spelling

desktop

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

comprised

Change preposition

apply

show examples

20% and 18% respectively, and both fell to 12%

at the end

of the

period

On the other hand

, flat-screen

Fix the agreement mistake

TVs

show examples

made up 8% in 2009,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

experienced a significant increase to 27% in 2019.

In addition

, at the

begining

Correct your spelling

beginning

of the

period

, mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

, which accounted for 15%,

risen

Wrong verb form

rose

show examples

by 11% in 2019. There was a gradual increase from 5% in 2009

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and continued to rise sharply, reaching 19% in 2019.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat Oct 05 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, period with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

▼

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

175 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

frequency
dominant
category
contrast
trend
common
rare
snack
habits
patterns
lifestyle
health consciousness
gaming habits
observed
unexpected
noticeable

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The pie charts below show the frequency of snacking in children while playing electronic games. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting event that brings other nations together. Others say Olympics expensive waste of money that would be better spent on other things. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Young people’s ideas and attitudes are different from those of their parents and grandparents. What are the differences? What problems may be caused?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?