Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #world #media #touch #news #development

Recently, a lot of

people

are using social

media

to find information or to talk with

friends

. There are

advantages

and

disadvantages

of using social

media

for instance

, it is very easy to find out about the world

however

, some

people

get into trouble because of cyberbullying.

To begin

with there are some

advantages

of using social

media

. First of all, using social

media

can improve communication with

friends

. In my experience, my English

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

greatly improved after I started to talk with my

friends

on Instagram.

Therefore

, chatting with

friends

is helpful to improve communication skills and language.

Moreover

, using social

media

can learn new skills by reading or watching the information of successful

people

. In my experience,

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

helped me to write the report by finding information about my topic.

On the other hand

, there are

disadvantages

too.

Secondly

, some

people

are using social

media

to bully other

people

and

this

causes trauma which is a serious injury to the brain.

Therefore

, using social

media

can cause

people

disappointment or trauma. My friend got into trouble because he

get

Wrong verb form

got

show examples

bullied by

people

that he thought he was

friends

Additionally

Change preposition

show examples

my knowledge,

people

will get digital addiction by using social

media

for long hours every day.

This

means that they can not concentrate on studying or working and their eyes get worse by using so long hours on the devices.

This

means that it will disrupt daily life and make

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

body more unhealthy because of addiction to social

media

To sum up

, there are

advantages

and

disadvantages

of using social

media

For example

, it is helpful to improve skills

however

, it can make

people

trauma

Correct your spelling

traumatised

show examples

by bullying. In my opinion, using social

media

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

advantages

of development outweigh the

disadvantages

of social

media

Submitted by dokmally2 on Sun Oct 06 2024

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task achievement

Provide more detailed specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, provide specific situations or cases of both the positive and negative impacts of social media.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will make the essay easier to read and understand.

task achievement

Ensure that the points discussed are equally balanced in detail for both advantages and disadvantages. This helps in creating a more nuanced response.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on social media.

task achievement

You have identified key advantages and disadvantages of social media usage, showing a balanced perspective.

task achievement

Your personal experiences are well-integrated into the response, providing a relatable understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Some people believe that schoolchildren should do their class work individually. Other people believe that sometimes class work should be done in small groups. Discuss both views and give your opinion.