Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There are ways to bring

people

closer.

Hence

, many argue that

music

is one of the ways to bring them with diverse cultures and ages together. In my opinion, I agree with the statement since

music

can be a tool for communication and

people

do not have to understand the

language

used in the

music

to enjoy it. I will explain my reasons in

below

Correct article usage

the below

show examples

paragraphs.

First,

music

could be a medium to communicate with others. Often, singers or

music

producers produce a

song

with a certain message they want to deliver. When the

song

is released,

people

can listen to it and convey the meaning of the

song

. Through

music

people

can use the

lyrics

or the instruments to communicate with

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

For instance

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some social campaigns collaborated with famous singers to create a

song

to promote their

campaign

. With the

campaign

song

, it is easier for

people

to understand the purpose of the

campaign

and attract them to participate in the

campaign

Therefore

, the

music

could connect

people

with various backgrounds to meet as they share the same interests.

Second,

music

is a universal

language

for everyone.

People

do not have to understand the

language

of the

song

lyrics

to enjoy the

music

. They can understand the

music

easily by listening to the played instruments.

Hence

, without understanding the

lyrics

, they still can get the emotions that the

music

producer made

such

a sad or happy

song

For example

, the growing trend of Korean Pop (K-Pop) songs. Almost everyone in the world enjoys listening to

K-Pop

Correct your spelling

K-pop

show examples

music

while

still not understanding any Korean

lyrics

. Despite

cannot

Verb problem

not

show examples

understand

Wrong verb form

understanding

show examples

and

speak

Wrong verb form

speaking

show examples

the

language

people

still be able to enjoy Korean pop.

Furthermore

, they can meet other

music

enthusiasts and share their interest in

this

music

genre with others. To summarise, I believe that

music

should be an appropriate method to connect

people

of different cultures and ages as there is no limitation to

understand

Wrong verb form

understanding

show examples

the

language

used in the musical

lyrics

Moreover

, it can be used to share moral or social messages to a wide society which includes

people

from diverse backgrounds.

Submitted by salsabunga on Sun Oct 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each point you make is clearly explained and linked to the central theme of your essay. This will help improve the logical structure and overall coherence of your essay.

task achievement

Try to create more balance in your argument by discussing both sides of the issue more thoroughly. This will enhance the task achievement by demonstrating a nuanced understanding of the topic.

introduction conclusion present

The essay's introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's opinion.

relevant specific examples

You have selected relevant examples, such as the mention of K-pop, which illustrate your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

353 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today more and more people want things instantly (eg: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

Many countries have embraced tourism as a way to boost their economies and create jobs for local residents. However, some argue that tourism van have negative impacts on the environment and loval cultures. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism for a country?

Managing global environmental issues should be handled by one organization on a global scale. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.