In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. it is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. to what extent do you agree or disagree with opinion
Health
problems are now crucial issues, resulting from inappropriate eating behaviour. Many people
believe that the government should be involved by raising tax on junk food
, while
some believe that having some exercise and eating healthy food
are more sensible. In my point of view, I agree with latter
view Add an article
a latter
the latter
with
the reasons discussed in the following paragraphs.
In the present, because of its convenience, the new generation tends to eat fast Change preposition
for
food
more than a healthy one. Some people
believe that the government should take action by increasing tax
Correct article usage
the tax
of
unhealthy Change preposition
on
food
, in the belief that people
will be healthier by downgrading its popularity.
It is undeniable that some eating behaviour
can lead to serious Fix the agreement mistake
behaviours
health
problems such
as diabetes or cardiovascular diseases. However
, the mentioned non-communicating diseases do not only depend on how they consume. Take diabetes as an example, genetics plays an important role in this
disease. People
having strong genetic disease
tend to have metabolic diseases when they grow up, Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
although
they consume only health
products. In my opinion, as a medical student, only suggested implement
from authorities cannot be achieved without encouragement. Replace the word
implementation
People
lacking self-awareness often choose unhealthy foods because it
stimulate dopamine and many chemicals in the brain leading to severe addiction. I extremely believe that raising awareness about how to intake can solve Correct pronoun usage
they
this
problem. For instance
, the schools might have some classes about the effects of diabetes such
as overweight, stroke or unhealed ulcers that leads
to imputation, in order to create imagination of how they will be if they regularly eat fast Change the verb form
lead
food
. Additionally
, encouragement to people
about how to keep fit by appropriate exercise could be one of the factors that can relieve diabetic disease.
In conclusion, health
problems cannot be eliminated by that rather than implement
by Wrong verb form
implemented
government
alone, but Correct article usage
the government
health
awareness and some exercises are more effective ways.Submitted by narnrs1 on
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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer division of ideas between paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion; the essay starts and ends effectively.
task achievement
Addresses both sides of the issue effectively, providing detailed explanation for the chosen view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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