IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 and
openings
Use synonyms
 in a particular country from 2011 to 2018.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of both
closures
Use synonyms
 and
openings
Use synonyms
 decreased over the 7-year period. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that the trends of these respective figures mostly were in positive correlation. In 2011, 8500
shops
Use synonyms
 opened, being the highest amount among all figures.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there were 6500 stores closed.
While
Linking Words
 two counterparts both fell in 2012,
openings
Use synonyms
 saw a more significant
dropped
Replace the word
drop
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
only 4000
shops
Use synonyms
 opened and 6000
shops
Use synonyms
 closed. Between 2012 to 2014, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 showed a steady growth.
However
Linking Words
, in 2013, it was the point when
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak,
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 approximately 7000
shops
Use synonyms
 closed. In 2015, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 underwent a dramatic fall to below 1000,
while
Linking Words
 the equivalent figures
also
Linking Words
 saw a slight fall to 4000. A year later,
closures
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 grew to 5000 and remained nearly stable in the following years. In
contast
Correct your spelling
contrast
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
opening
Fix the agreement mistake
openings
show examples
 remained unchanged but fell to 3000 in 2018.
Submitted by lovesonya0227 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shop, closures, openings, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: