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Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #attention
Nowadays,
people
 have different
prespectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 about advertising.
While
 some believe that advertising has significant achievements in convincing us to purchase specific products,
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
others claim that advertising has become remarkably repetitive to the public's eyes, so nobody is affected by them.
According to
 a couple of reasons, the first notion is closer to my viewpoint. Nowadays, businesses pay attention to
people
's interests more carefully. They invent new advertising methods and use innovative marketing ideas, which are more appealing to the public, to display the advantages of their products and services. They give up their old techniques wisely.
In other words
, old approaches like single mottos in advertising are
abondoned
Correct your spelling
abandoned
 by startups.
Instead
, businesses
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 other trends now
such
 as giving the opportunity to customers to use a service or product for free
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a limited period of time.
For instance
, Apple
music
Capitalize word
Music
show examples
 gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users the chance to use a free trial for 3 months.
However
, few
people
 think that the concept of advertising is outdated now.
Therefore
, they don't fall for any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of marketing traps. They may have a more logical and profound prospect
while
 looking at enchanting
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
.
Thus
, it is difficult to guide them into buying
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 through advertising. These
people
 question everything, having an exceptional skill at distinguishing realities from engaging lies told in some
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
. In conclusion, advertising can influence most individuals,
stearing
Correct your spelling
steering
 them to buy a service or product. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
 who skip
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
 tricks
due to
 their questioning nature. So it is obvious that marketing is still considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an effective way of convincing
people
 to purchase products, affecting most
people
 out there.
Submitted by ava.saljoughi on

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task achievement
Consider providing a bit more depth in supporting your main points. This could help further enhance your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is generally well-structured, there are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward word choices, such as "prespectives" instead of "perspectives," and "prospect" instead of "perspective." Proofreading could help in minimizing these.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and presents both views effectively, setting a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes both viewpoints and presents a clear personal opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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