IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, more and more people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some effects of rural recession and the cause of this

#people #areas #city #effects #recession
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In present life many people are looking for job
apportunities
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opportunities
 in
urben
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urban
cities
 where a lot of job chances are waiting for them to be hired
as a result
 of that
out skirt
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outskirt
show examples
 city
are
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is
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 now almost empty
This
 essay is going to discuss the causes and effects
for
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of
show examples
this
phnomena
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phenomena
phenomenon
.
To begin
 with the causes of
this
proplem
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problem
 many
citizen
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citizens
show examples
rural
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in rural
show examples
area
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areas
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 are do not have
big
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a big
the big
show examples
 number of
compenies
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companies
 or stock
market
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markets
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 which need more
employee
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employees
show examples
 to work in
beside
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besides
show examples
 that good income that
attract
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attracts
show examples
 rural
inhastance
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instance
instances
 plus
ecomey
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comedy
Comey
 crisis that strongly effect
on
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apply
show examples
farms industries
also
 the
facilites
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facilities
 and government
sevices
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services
like
heath
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health
show examples
 care and education that are mostly located in
urben
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urban
 area rather than outskirts of
city
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the city
show examples
 with
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of factors that play
big
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a big
show examples
 role to immigrate from country sides to urban
cities
 to find dream job where the excellent payment .
On the other hand
, what
happen
Wrong verb form
is happening
show examples
 now
because
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is because
show examples
 of the on way immigration , many areas
left
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are left
show examples
 with fewer people than before and it about to be abandoned
especialy
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especially
farmes
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farmers
farms
 and agriculture industries which
effect
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affect
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 negatively on
nations
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nation's
show examples
econmy
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economy
therefore
 it
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 main cause of some
cities
 could have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of air , land ,water and noise pollution problems as
result
Add an article
a result
show examples
 of
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 population more
for example
 , some Africa countries many farmers left
thire
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their
there
farmes
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farmers
farms
 to live in
cities
 for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life .
To sum up
 ,
unblance
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unbalance
unbalanced
 immigration between
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cities
 it
proplem
Correct your spelling
problem
 can not be ignored by
athurites
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authorities
 because of the consequences and lack of resources to stand the
hug
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huge
show examples
 number of people .
Submitted by may.al.zemami on

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grammar
Improve grammar and spelling for clarity: check for words like 'urben' (urban), 'compenies' (companies), 'inhastance' (inhabitants), 'econmy' (economy), and 'unblance' (unbalance).
structure
Refine sentence structures: there are several run-on sentences and fragments which make the essay difficult to follow at times.
examples
Provide more specific examples: Details enrich an argument, so consider including specific cities or statistics to bolster your points.
structure
Organize ideas clearly: Consider using paragraphs to separate different points more distinctly.
content
You identified key causes of rural-urban migration such as job opportunities and lack of services in rural areas.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your argument well.
content
You mentioned practical effects like pollution and economic impact, showing awareness of broader issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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