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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts provide job
datas
Correct your spelling
data
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
 graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
exception
Replace the word
except for
show examples
 full-time
work
Use synonyms
 after leaving university in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend of
4
Correct article usage
the 4
show examples
options was similar in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
further
Linking Words
 study was the most popular choice of both
UK
Use synonyms
 graduates and postgraduates in 2008.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the first chart, graduates
continued
Correct pronoun usage
who continued
show examples
 to study were the most popular at 29.665
students
Use synonyms
, which was more than part-time
work
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
for about
show examples
 12 thousand individuals. Meanwhile, the number of
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
, who did not have any jobs, was approximately equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
 at 16.235 people.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 is the least choice of
UK
Use synonyms
 graduates ar 3500 individuals. Turning toward the second graph, the trend of
postgraduates
Change noun form
postgraduates'
postgraduate's
show examples
 job options was similar. It is readily apparent that the quantity of
UK
Use synonyms
postgraduates
Change the noun form
postgraduate
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 was the most popular in 2008 at 2725 people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the rate of part-time
work
Use synonyms
 ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second among these at 2535
indivuduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the number of
students
Use synonyms
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
 no jobs was
three fifths
Add a hyphen
three-fifths
show examples
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
further
Linking Words
 study.
Finally
Linking Words
, voluntary still was at least in surveyed options ar 345
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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