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Writing Samples
Band 4

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions
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In
this
Linking Words
 era,
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 it is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoors or indoors in our own
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
, we use a lot of energy to supply our daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. Given by these two pie charts are various segments of how the average Australian household uses their energy. In the first
Use synonyms
diagram
Add a comma
diagram,
show examples
 it is shown that other
appliances
Use synonyms
 and
water
Use synonyms
 heating
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 at 24% and 23%. Followed by heating and cooling at 20%.
Linking Words
While the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 highest percentage of greenhouse gas produced in Australia in the second
diagram
Use synonyms
 is won by heating and cooling at 38%, which is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 18% increase from the previous
diagram
Use synonyms
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 in the second and third
rank
Add a comma
rank,
show examples
 we have
water
Use synonyms
 heating at 25% and other
appliances
Use synonyms
 at 16%. Where
water
Use synonyms
 heating had an increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2% and other
appliances
Use synonyms
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decrease
Replace the word
decreased
show examples
 by 8%. It is
also
Linking Words
 shown in the first
diagram
Use synonyms
 that cooking, stand by, lighting and
refrigiration
Correct your spelling
refrigeration
 fills about one-fourth of the pie chart, standing at 33%.
Although
Linking Words
 in the second
diagram
Use synonyms
 cooking,
stand by
Add a hyphen
stand-by
show examples
, lighting, and
refrigiration
Correct your spelling
refrigeration
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 places at 21%, it is more dominant to
water
Use synonyms
 heating, other
appliances
Use synonyms
, heating and cooling.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words diagram, appliances, water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
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