IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions
There are two different
chart
Change to a plural noun
charts
show examples
 in the study case of Australian
household
energy
use
 and its
greenhouse
gas
emission
. Both of the charts are related
according to
 the points inside the chart of
household
energy
use
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouse
gas
 emissions. From 100%, the biggest percentage of
household
energy
use
 is heating
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 40%, followed by water heating
30
Change preposition
at 30
show examples
%, other appliances
15
Change preposition
at 15
show examples
%, Refrigeration
7
Change preposition
at 7
show examples
%, lighting
4
Change preposition
at 4
show examples
%, and Cooling
2
Change preposition
at 2
show examples
%. But why does the
household
energy
use
 presentation are different if we compare it with the
greenhouse
gas
 emissions? First of all, we need to know what is a mission a mission is some sort of
waste
 that we produce from sort
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activities,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
this
 context is
energy
waste
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produced from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household
energy
 usage that
turn
Change the verb form
turns
show examples
 into
greenhouse
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
. So each
gas
emission
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household
 activities
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 different
depend
Change the form of the verb
depending
show examples
 on what activities. As an example even
Refrigeration
Correct word choice
though Refrigeration
show examples
 only
share
Correct subject-verb agreement
shares
show examples
 7% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household
energy
use
, it
share
Change the verb form
shares
show examples
 4% of the
greenhouse
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 because the
waste
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
created
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Refrigeration
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 bigger. It is the same case with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
household
energy
use
, some of them
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 lower
waste
, and some of them
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 higher 
waste
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words household, energy, use, greenhouse, gas, emission, waste with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
What to do next:
Look at other essays: