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Band 5

【C17T3】 Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#【c #people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
With the rise of globalization, it has
a
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been a
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passionate discussion whether professional people should remain where they received training.
While
 some people agree with
this
 opinion, in other
eye's
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eyes
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, if they wish they have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 to decide where they want to work. I agree with the latter view. On the one hand,
Professionals
 who stay in their home country have become familiar with local residents and lifestyle. And they are familiar with Chinese culture. They
aren't spend
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don't spend
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 much time
to meet
Change the verb form
meeting
show examples
. In brief,
professionals
 who train in
china
Capitalize word
China
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 already do not need to waste time getting used to
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 lifestyle. Because they have mastered Chinese and developed social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 in China. It can help them to save
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
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 time.
On the other hand
, some people believe that if
professionals
 wish they have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
decide
Fix the infinitive
to decide
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 to
selecting
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select
show examples
workplace
Correct article usage
a workplace
show examples
. The reason
that
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is that
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 income
are
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is
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 not equal all over the world.
For example
, programmer's
income
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incomes
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 are paid in the USA more than it
in
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is in
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 Russia. If
professionals
choose
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choose to
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 go abroad to
working
Wrong verb form
work
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, they are in a position to
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
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 more money.
Moreover
, when
professionals
 are free to work
in
Change preposition
apply
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overseas they may have a change in
self- development
Correct your spelling
self-development
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. There is no denying that developed countries have a higher level of technology and research in something. Plus
professionals
 can improve their professionalism if they can work in another nation.
Overall
, both sides have reasonable arguments. As far as I see,
although
 working in
location
Replace the word
a local
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 nation can stay in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 comfortable area,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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free in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 can let them
gained
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
 more professional knowledge.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas with more relevant and specific examples. Adding detailed evidence to support your points will strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Clarify your arguments more, ensuring that all ideas are fully explained, to ensure clearer and more comprehensive ideas are presented. Consider developing each point in a separate paragraph for better clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear consideration of both views regarding whether professionals should remain where they were trained.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving it a strong overall structure.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the topic fully by discussing both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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