IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities in the US, in 2015

#hours #leisure #sports #activities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided bar chart illustrates the average
hours
Use synonyms
 consumed each day in recreational and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities, by the youngest(15-19 years old) and oldest(75 and over ) populations, in the
united states
Correct your spelling
United States
show examples
im
Correct your spelling
in
 2015. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is apparent that watching is the most preferred activity among both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age groups.
While
Linking Words
 both demographics showed an equal penchant for socializing and communicating Starting at 4.5
hours
Use synonyms
 the old had a tendency to use time for watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 more than the younger only 2.5, which is the most popular choice based on providing data. Followed by 1, 0.6
hours
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 relaxing, thinking and reading from the eldest
while
Linking Words
 younger counterparts were fewer 0.2, 0.1
hours
Use synonyms
. In terms of computer gaming and leisure use, teenagers spent 1.1
hours
Use synonyms
 on computers, which is twice as much as adults 75 years of age or older
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. In terms of sports, exercise, and leisure, the difference was even more noticeable because younger groups spent three times as much time—0.6
hours
Use synonyms
 per day as opposed to 0.2
hours
Use synonyms
—than older demographics.
Submitted by nacute2606 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Improve the introduction and conclusion by making them more defined and containing an overview of the data trends.
logical structure
Ensure consistency in verb tenses to enhance clarity.
supported main points
Include more specific data values or comparisons within the text to strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Consider adding a final paragraph that sums up the main findings from the chart to improve coherence and cohesion.
relevant specific examples
The essay features some relevant comparisons between the two age groups, which enhances task achievement.
complete response
The essay provides a good overall interpretation of the bar chart's main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: