IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think city planners should create more green spaces and plant trees. Others believe that they should focus on building new homes. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #city #planners #spaces #plant #trees #focus #homes
These days, cities are so varied from the past, so a group of
people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that vegetation is the main factor that
mayer
Change the capitalization
Mayer
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 should
to
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apply
show examples
have a
paln
Correct your spelling
plan
 for it
while
 the
otehrs
Correct your spelling
others
 think that it is crucial that
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on the new
redidential
Correct your spelling
residential
 areas. In my opinion, the most important item that
help
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helps
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 who have clean air and good space for their free time is green districts. On the one hand, unless
urben
Correct your spelling
urban
 regions have woodland
area
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areas
show examples
, they won't have fresh air; in fact , citizens of these
metropilises
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metropolises
 have to
breathing
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breathe
show examples
 a large number of toxic gases that are a result of cars, factories, and so on when they do not have good green regions;
moreover
, in
dis
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dis,
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 place the figure of
people
 who have ill will be
increaded
Correct your spelling
increased
.
In addition
,
vegetations
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vegetation
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the best zone that
people
 can use for their
lasuire
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pleasure
leisure
times
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time
show examples
 and when they want to spend time for relaxation;
hence
, green spaces have a range of benefits on
people
's lives.
On the other hand
, if the number of houses that have new technology
climb
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climbs
show examples
, the percentage of dangerios
happenning
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happening
 will
be declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
.
In other words
, most
of
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apply
show examples
old
Add an article
the old
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accommodation
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accommodations
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 have several issues and they are not
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 beside
on
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apply
show examples
new
standard
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standards
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;
furthermore
, they do not have new facilities that help communities to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safe
place
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places
show examples
;
consequently
,
people
 who live in these kinds of homes might
be have
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have
show examples
 a lot of matters, so the new buildings are the best choice for
avoide
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avoiding
 bad
evidences
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evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
.
To conclude
, living in new houses
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 safe
redirentiol
Correct your spelling
residential
redirection
 regions for inhabitants;
nevertheless
, In my view, green zones are more
essentioal
Correct your spelling
essential
 inasmuch as they have a majority influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our lifestyles
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and health.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and punctuation to enhance clarity in your writing.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This could strengthen your essay significantly.
coherence cohesion
Divide your essay into clear paragraphs, and ensure that each paragraph has a central idea or point. This will enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument which demonstrates an understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion gives a clear opinion that is relevant to the main discussion points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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