Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, the
issue
of urbanization has brought numerous problems
to city life. While
some believe that the increasing number
of cars
is the primary issue
cities
face today, others argue that there are more serious issues. 38 The increasing number
of cars
could lead to health
problems
. It is widely known that air is crucial to human’s
lives. The increasing Change noun form
human
number
of cars
contribute
to air pollution, which could Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
cause
environmental problem
and deteriorate Fix the agreement mistake
problems
people’s
health
. The car emmision
contains poisonous substances and elements which could directly harm Correct your spelling
emission
people’s
lung
and other organs through breathing. Fix the agreement mistake
lungs
Therefore
, the emmision
of Correct your spelling
emission
cars
could cause
air pollution in the city which could lead to a series of physical problems
. In addition
, the problem
of traffic jam
in the city could be aggravated because of the increasing Fix the agreement mistake
jams
cars
. Congestion gridlock is a common Correct quantifier usage
number of cars
problem
in most urban areas, especially during commuting hours and holidays. Thus
, people’s
life
could be affected by the heavy traffic because of the Fix the agreement mistake
lives
increase
Replace the word
increased
number
of cars
.
One of the more seious
Correct your spelling
serious
issue
than the rising car numbers is the Fix the agreement mistake
issues
noise
pollusion
in Correct your spelling
pollution
cities
. It is widely known that the
Correct article usage
apply
noise
pollusion
could have harmful effects on both human Correct your spelling
pollution
health
and urban
environment. When people are Correct article usage
the urban
prolonged exposure
to loud Verb problem
exposed
noise
, the sensitive structures in the ear might be damaged, which cause
physical Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
problems
. Besides
, persistent noise
could affect people’s
sleeping quality and cause
insomnia which increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
people’s
stress levels, which could lead to anxiety and affect mental health
. Moreover
, overcrowded could lead to serious problems
in cities
. Public service facilities would increase
due to
the
overcrowded, Correct article usage
apply
such
as educational system
, commercial areas, and medical areas. Fix the agreement mistake
systems
Although
this
could be an advantage for city’s
economic growth, Correct article usage
the city’s
people’s
life quality could be affected. Besides
, The increase
public
service facilities would exacerbate the shortage of residential space in Change preposition
in public
cities
, which could lead to an increase
in housing prices. Thus
, residents in cities
are facing a series of problems
caused by overcrowded.
In conclusion, although
the growing number
of cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
incities
is a serious Correct your spelling
in cities
problem
, it is not the most urgent issue
. Other problems
such
as issues caused by overcrowded and noise
pollution also
require public attention.Submitted by janejaspar on
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coherence cohesion
Although the essay contains an introduction and conclusion, it would benefit from clearer paragraph transitions. Consider using linking words and phrases to make the flow between paragraphs more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repeated phrases and spelling errors, such as 'emmision' and 'pollusion.' Although these do not affect the overall score significantly, improving spelling and vocabulary can raise the essay's quality.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or data to support and strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific cities that face serious car-related problems or discussing studies on noise pollution would enhance the task's development.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the issue with equal attention. This helps fulfill the task's requirements to discuss both views.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, which positively influences the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
You present multiple perspectives on city problems, going beyond the issue of car numbers and addressing noise pollution and overcrowding, which enriches the discussion.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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