IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, the
issue
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 of urbanization has brought numerous
problems
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 to city life.
While
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 some believe that the increasing
number
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 of
cars
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 is the primary
issue
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cities
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 face today, others argue that there are more serious issues. 38 The increasing
number
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 of
cars
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 could lead to
health
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problems
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. It is widely known that air is crucial to
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 lives. The increasing
number
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 of
cars
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contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to air pollution, which could
cause
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 environmental
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 and deteriorate
people’s
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health
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. The car
emmision
Correct your spelling
emission
 contains poisonous substances and elements which could directly harm
people’s
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lung
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lungs
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 and other organs through breathing.
Therefore
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, the
emmision
Correct your spelling
emission
 of
cars
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 could
cause
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 air pollution in the city which could lead to a series of physical
problems
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.
In addition
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, the
problem
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 of traffic
jam
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jams
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 in the city could be aggravated because of the increasing
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cars
Correct quantifier usage
number of cars
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. Congestion gridlock is a common
problem
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 in most urban areas, especially during commuting hours and holidays.
Thus
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,
people’s
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life
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lives
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 could be affected by the heavy traffic because of the
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increase
Replace the word
increased
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number
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 of
cars
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. One of the more
seious
Correct your spelling
serious
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issue
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issues
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 than the rising car numbers is the
noise
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pollusion
Correct your spelling
pollution
 in
cities
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. It is widely known that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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noise
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pollusion
Correct your spelling
pollution
 could have harmful effects on both human
health
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 and
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
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 environment. When people are
prolonged exposure
Verb problem
exposed
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 to loud
noise
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, the sensitive structures in the ear might be damaged, which
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 physical
problems
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.
Besides
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, persistent
noise
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 could affect
people’s
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 sleeping quality and
cause
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 insomnia which
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increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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people’s
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 stress levels, which could lead to anxiety and affect mental
health
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.
Moreover
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, overcrowded could lead to serious
problems
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 in
cities
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. Public service facilities would
increase
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due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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overcrowded,
such
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 as educational
system
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systems
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, commercial areas, and medical areas.
Although
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this
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 could be an advantage for
city’s
Correct article usage
the city’s
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 economic growth,
people’s
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 life quality could be affected.
Besides
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, The
increase
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public
Change preposition
in public
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 service facilities would exacerbate the shortage of residential space in
cities
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, which could lead to an
increase
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 in housing prices.
Thus
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, residents in
cities
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 are facing a series of
problems
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 caused by overcrowded. In conclusion,
although
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 the growing
number
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 of
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cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
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incities
Correct your spelling
in cities
 is a serious
problem
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, it is not the most urgent
issue
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. Other
problems
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such
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 as issues caused by overcrowded and
noise
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 pollution
also
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 require public attention.

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coherence cohesion
Although the essay contains an introduction and conclusion, it would benefit from clearer paragraph transitions. Consider using linking words and phrases to make the flow between paragraphs more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repeated phrases and spelling errors, such as 'emmision' and 'pollusion.' Although these do not affect the overall score significantly, improving spelling and vocabulary can raise the essay's quality.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or data to support and strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific cities that face serious car-related problems or discussing studies on noise pollution would enhance the task's development.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the issue with equal attention. This helps fulfill the task's requirements to discuss both views.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, which positively influences the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
You present multiple perspectives on city problems, going beyond the issue of car numbers and addressing noise pollution and overcrowding, which enriches the discussion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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