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Band 4.5

The hart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966,1986 and 2006.

#hart #information #age #women #australia #birth #first #child
The bar graph illustrates information about the age of female in Australia when they gave life to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Overall
, in 1966 the number of ladies who had the age range 19-24 was dramatically more than others. Absolutely different trend shown in 2006. In 1966 the
percentage
 of
women
 who were over 40 was 3 %. Marginally more
proportion
 had a woman who was between 34-39 and 30-34. Almost the same
percentage
 had ladies who were under 19 and between 25-30 as 35%. The leaders of
this
 year are
women
 who were between 19 and 24 and their arrangement is slightly more than 60%. Again, the oldest
women
 in 1986 had few proportions.
While
 the
percentage
 of
women
 between 30-39 and under 19 is around 17% and exactly 20% respectively. The leader of
this
 year is
women
 between 25-30 with half of all arrangements.
Finally
, in the
last
 year there is no big difference in the
proportion
 who over 40%. The second lowest
percentage
 of
women
 who are under 19 is marginally more than 10%.
While
 the
proportion
 of
women
 who are between 19-24 and 34-39 is around 28%. The difference in
proportion
 between
women
 who are 30-34 and 25-30 is approximately 7%. More precisely, their arrangement is 45% and 38% respectively.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the information follows logically from one point to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed descriptions of the data, possibly including specific figures or comparisons where relevant.
Task Achievement
Your overview effectively identifies the main trends in the data, drawing attention to significant differences over the decades.
Coherence and Cohesion
You made efforts to compare data across different years and age groups, which is crucial to fully showcasing the information.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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