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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012.

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012.
#bar #line #temperatures #suit #sales #york #first #months
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The following bar and line chart shows information about average monthly temperatures and
swim suit
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swimsuit
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in New York, broken down into the first six
months
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 of 2012, indicated as
Use synonyms
Farenheit
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Fahrenheit
 and Hundred
thousands
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thousand
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 US
dollar
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dollars
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, respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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April received the highest revenues,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of in
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apply
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June
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was gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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 the fewest sum.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that New Yorkers prepare themselves with bathing suits prior to the peak temperature in
June
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a closer look at the bar chart shows that the
sales
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 constantly increased during the first three
months
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 before
skyrocketed
Wrong verb form
skyrocketing
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its
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apply
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peak in April and
plummeted
Wrong verb form
plummeting
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 in the remaining
months
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. At roughly $280, April had the largest sum of profits among all other
months
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, followed by March at $150, February at $125, and January, respectively. Surprisingly, it is noticeable that
Use synonyms
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 in May fell dramatically
at
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to
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 under $100, at about $80,
while
Linking Words
 in
June
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 made the fewest
sales
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 at approximately $20. With regards to the relationship with temperatures in New York City, starting off the first month of the year with slightly above 30
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Farenheit
Correct your spelling
Fahrenheit
. February experienced
small
Correct article usage
a small
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dropped
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drop
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 to 30
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Farenheit
Correct your spelling
Fahrenheit
 and rose at a constant rate of 9
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farenheit
Correct your spelling
fahrenheit
 monthly and ending with
at
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apply
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65
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Farenheit
Correct your spelling
Fahrenheit
Use synonyms
June
Change preposition
in June
show examples
.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, months, farenheit, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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