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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012.

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012.
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The following bar and line chart shows information about average monthly temperatures and
swim suit
Correct your spelling
swimsuit
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in New York, broken down into the first six
months
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 of 2012, indicated as
Use synonyms
Farenheit
Correct your spelling
Fahrenheit
 and Hundred
thousands
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thousand
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 US
dollar
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dollars
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, respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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April received the highest revenues,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of in
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apply
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June
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was gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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 the fewest sum.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that New Yorkers prepare themselves with bathing suits prior to the peak temperature in
June
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a closer look at the bar chart shows that the
sales
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 constantly increased during the first three
months
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 before
skyrocketed
Wrong verb form
skyrocketing
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its
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apply
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peak in April and
plummeted
Wrong verb form
plummeting
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 in the remaining
months
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. At roughly $280, April had the largest sum of profits among all other
months
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, followed by March at $150, February at $125, and January, respectively. Surprisingly, it is noticeable that
Use synonyms
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 in May fell dramatically
at
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to
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 under $100, at about $80,
while
Linking Words
 in
June
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 made the fewest
sales
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 at approximately $20. With regards to the relationship with temperatures in New York City, starting off the first month of the year with slightly above 30
Use synonyms
Farenheit
Correct your spelling
Fahrenheit
. February experienced
small
Correct article usage
a small
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dropped
Replace the word
drop
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 to 30
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Farenheit
Correct your spelling
Fahrenheit
 and rose at a constant rate of 9
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farenheit
Correct your spelling
fahrenheit
 monthly and ending with
at
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apply
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65
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Farenheit
Correct your spelling
Fahrenheit
Use synonyms
June
Change preposition
in June
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, months, farenheit, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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