IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #care #think #service #government
Medical
services
 should be provided totally free from authorities.
Although
 it may be helpful for low-income
families
,I believe that people have to take responsibility for paying
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 medical care despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the contribution from the
government
. The payment of medical care should be covered by people,as they are
main
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
 responsible for their medical conditions rather than authorities.
While there
Correct word choice
There
show examples
 are
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 more significant factors
such
 as military
services
as well as
educational
Add an article
the educational
an educational
show examples
 system which are significant to concentrate
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
In addition
,the budget of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
 will not be enough to cover everybody’s
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
services
.As
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 result,it is advisable to cover their medical expenses by themselves.
On the other hand
,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are not able to cover and afford these medical
services
due to
 their low income.With the contribution of the
government
Add a comma
,
show examples
they will be able to utilize healthcare
services
 for free.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low-income
families
Add a comma
families,
show examples
 it is still expensive to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
services
.
Additionally
,the help of the
government
 may provide them with free
services
.
Therefore
,free medical
services
 will be essential for some mid-level
families
. In conclusion,
while
 free
services
 by the
government
 will be helpful for
families
 with low income,I believe that the users of
services
 are much more responsible for their healthcare and medical conditions.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Task Response
Consider using more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This will provide stronger and more convincing evidence for your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by ensuring that all points follow logically from one to the next. Using linking words and phrases throughout the essay will achieve a smooth flow of ideas.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay clearly presents an introduction and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the prompt directly and attempted to consider both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
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