some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
One of the
impressing
issues of the nowadays society that Replace the word
impressive
parents
usually overcome with
Change preposition
apply
,
is that their Remove the comma
apply
children
provide
their Verb problem
live
life
on smartphones. I personally believe, that it is because of Fix the agreement mistake
lives
parents
, who allow their child
to use Fix the agreement mistake
children
such
gadgets, instead
of enforcing
them to study. If the youth Verb problem
forcing
pass
their whole time on telephones, Verb problem
spend
then
it will cause
detrimental effects on their health.
To commence, guardians play a huge role in Verb problem
have
this
case, as they are the ones, who buy their youngsters phones, laptops, or tablets, and in contemporary society parents
themselves dedicate a lot of time on
their Change preposition
to
phone
, forgetting about their minors, thereby setting an example for their Fix the agreement mistake
phones
children
. If they want their youngsters to invest their time learning or developing other things, then
they should begin with themselves. For instance
, they can read books of several genres, of
draw together, do sports and so on, and of course, Change preposition
apply
children
who grow up in such
an environment will not even need phones.
Engaging in gadgets have
significant detrimental effects on Correct subject-verb agreement
has
health
of Add an article
the health
children
, starting from deterioration of vision, ending
with serious illnesses. Correct word choice
and ending
For instance
, gadget screens emit high-energy light, which penetrates deeper into the eye tissue and can damage the retina, or another reason, is with prolonged use of phones the frequency of blinking decreases, which leads to dry eyes, as a result
, the minors themselves will not notice hoe
they ended up in the hospital.
To recapitulate, Correct your spelling
how
according to
the arguments aforementioned, before parents
force their children
to stop sitting on their smartphones, they should begin with themselves. Furthermore
, we have to notice that gadgets should be used for work purposes, not to dedicate every second of life on
them.Change preposition
to
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Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully address both parts of the question: why children spend hours on smartphones and your position on whether it's a positive or negative development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen your introduction by clearly outlining the key points of your essay.
Task Achievement
Clarify certain statements to avoid ambiguity, such as the effects of smartphone usage on health.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitional phrases and connectors to improve the logical flow and progression of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your claims, especially in discussing the effects on health.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear personal opinion on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
An effort has been made to link parenting behavior to children's smartphone usage, showing understanding of causation.
Task Achievement
The essay discusses potential health impacts, offering valuable insight into one aspect of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.