IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar charts show the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The bar charts show the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
#bar #show #percentage #people #five #portions #fruit #vegetables #uk
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The bar graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the number of
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
 who ate five portions of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables each day in the UK over the period of 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
I
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can be seen that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 who ate
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 was always higher as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 and children.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, around 35% of women ate five
portion
Change to a plural noun
portions
show examples
 of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables per day in 2005, and more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 20% in 2001. Gradually
this
Linking Words
 trend
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 over
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
 of 2001 to 2005, and
then
Linking Words
 stable at 30% in 2008.
Whereas
Linking Words
, In
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 similar trend was observed starting from more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 15% in 2001, and the peak at around 25% in 2005 and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
approx
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 12% of children
are eating
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 daily from 2001 to 2003.
And
Correct your spelling
An
show examples
 increase in trend was observed after 2003, which
peak
Change the form of the verb
peaked
show examples
 at 25% in 2007.
Submitted by merujain2221 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words fruit with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Portions
  • Consumption
  • Demographic breakdown
  • Public health
  • Trend
  • Bar chart
  • Notable peaks and falls
  • Implications
  • Public awareness
  • Health outcomes
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