IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The illustration below shows how an island has changed with the development of tourism.

#illustration #island #development #tourism
The illustration below shows how an
island
 has changed with the development of tourism.
Overall
, we can see that unspoiled land has become a major resort destination for tourists. Before the
island
 was uninhabited with
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of palms and no
houses
, but
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next time the
isle
Replace the word
island
show examples
 experienced a number of dramatic changes. After the reconstruction, the
island
 was marvellously equipped to serve tourism with infrastructure and accommodation.
Likewise
, the restaurant is to the north, and the reception is next to the restaurant. There are
re
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
15 new traditional
houses
 constructed, where 6 of them on the west side and 9
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the west of the
island
.
In addition
, 3
houses
 have a function for accommodation in the western.
Subsequently
, there are 2 ships that are operational for the
island
, and
beach
Correct article usage
a beach
show examples
 that turned
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a swimming area for tourists.
In addition
 to that, footpaths and vehicle
track
Fix the agreement mistake
tracks
show examples
 alongside new
houses
 were added.
Finally
, a new pier
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 constructed on the east side of the land.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Enhance the clarity of examples by providing additional details or specific references to the image, such as exact locations or features.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by using more appropriate connectors. For instance, use 'While' instead of 'Likewise' to show contrast.
coherence cohesion
Rephrase sentences for better clarity. For example, 'There are re 15 new traditional...' could be 'There are 15 new traditional houses, with six located in the west and nine in the east.'
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an adequate introduction that sets the context for the changes described.
task achievement
The main points of island transformation are clearly identified, including the transition from uninhabited land to a tourist destination.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: