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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job.you think he or she should get a job. *say why he or she would not enjoy going to college *explain why getting a job is a good idea for him or her *suggest types of job that would be suitable for him or her

#friend #advice #college #job #*say #*explain #idea #*suggest
Dear Carolin, I hope
this
 message finds you well.I
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 your letter
last
 week asking about choosing a career or pursuing
college
Add an article
a college
show examples
 education.
Firstly
,
while
 getting higher academic knowledge may bring out more benefits,
Ibelieve
Correct your spelling
I believe
 studying limited lessons may not suit
with
Change preposition
apply
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your interests,as you have not expressed positive attitudes towards
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 courses.
Secondly
,I would
advice
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advise
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 against
for
Change preposition
apply
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the selection of
further
 studies without having a permanent job,as
this
 could be not useful for the entire life. Based on my understanding of your interests,I recognise that you have a strong knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the technological field.
This
 is clearly reflected in your
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 activities
such
 as creating new
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 and designing logos.I still happily recall the logo which you created for me to celebrate our friendship anniversary.
Therefore
,I encourage you to get a profession in the technological field,as I am very
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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confident that it would not be a great deal for you. Best regards, Paanujah
Submitted by paanu95 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a single idea per paragraph to enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that the letter directly and fully addresses all parts of the task for a complete response.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
A proper greeting and closing are included, maintaining a friendly and considerate tone throughout the letter.
task achievement
The tone is friendly and supportive, suitable for providing advice to a friend.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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