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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The following two pie charts show the results of a survey into the popularity if various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 an 1995. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following two pie charts show the results of a survey into the popularity if various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 an 1995. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The Pie charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 the percentage of European individuals spending
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different
activitives
Correct your spelling
activities
 over a period of
decade
Add an article
a decade
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, It can be evident that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of adults prefer to watch TV in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 very few prefer to do other activities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, around a third of people
loves
Wrong verb form
loved
show examples
 to watch TV in 1985 and 1995, a fifth
perfer
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to
talking
Wrong verb form
talk
show examples
 with friends and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 percentage increased to 26% in 1995. In
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 year approximately a quarter of children play computer games. A less than fifth percentage of individuals spending
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
talking with family, and a decline was observed after a decade to 7%. In 1985, roughly a
quater
Correct your spelling
quarter
 of adults
are going
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 out
for eating
Change preposition
to eat
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 1995 only 8% of them
are going
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 out
for eating
Change preposition
to eat
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
sudden
Correct article usage
a sudden
show examples
 drop was
also
Linking Words
 observed in spending
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 6% to 2% over the period of
time
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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