IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cites and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #town #situation
It is undoubtedly the
cae
Correct your spelling
case
 that urban areas around the world increasingly suffer from that young
people
 are migrating to cities and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 but old
people
 are left in the countryside.In my opinion,the development of cities and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 and the young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 ideas that prefer to live a better life in the other place apart from their parents cause
this
 problem. There are a variety of different factors that have led to the problem.One of the major causes can be that the young
people
 have their own opinion. First of all,the key to
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
this
 problem is
change
Fix the infinitive
to change
show examples
 the ideas of young
people
 to leave
the
Change the word
their
show examples
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
 stubbornly.
For instance
,it could be helpful for them to see the great aspects of their hometown
such
 as traditional culture.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
The introduction acknowledges the problem but lacks clarity on the specific issues resulting from the migration of young people from the countryside. It would be helpful to clearly state the problems caused by this migration, such as economic decline or the isolation of elderly residents, and then explain these points in detail in the main body.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical development. Currently, the essay lacks a clear structure between the problems and solutions sections.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions with specific examples or strategies to illustrate how these changes might occur.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion to summarize your main points and restate the stance taken in the introduction, which is missing here.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more seamlessly.
task achievement
You address some potential causes related to young people's preferences, which is a good start for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your writing demonstrates an attempt to tackle the problem-solution format, important in coherent essay structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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