IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

š˜›š˜©š˜¦ š˜‹š˜Ŗš˜¢š˜Øš˜³š˜¢š˜®š˜“ š˜£š˜¦š˜­š˜°š˜ø š˜“š˜©š˜°š˜ø š˜¢ š˜“š˜®š˜¢š˜­š˜­ š˜­š˜°š˜¤š˜¢š˜­ š˜®š˜¶š˜“š˜¦š˜¶š˜® š˜¢š˜Æš˜„ š˜Ŗš˜µš˜“ š˜“š˜¶š˜³š˜³š˜°š˜¶š˜Æš˜„š˜Ŗš˜Æš˜Øš˜“ š˜Ŗš˜Æ 1957 š˜¢š˜Æš˜„ 2007.

The given maps show the changes that had taken place in
museum
Add anĀ article
the museum
show examples
 in 2007 compared to the locality in 1957.
Overall
, there
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been quite a few major changes in the outlook of
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 over the years. it is
also
 noticeable that there were least green areas and more rooms constructed in
Museum
Correct article usage
the Museum
show examples
 in 2007 than in 1957.
Garden
Correct article usage
The garden
show examples
 in
east-
Correct article usage
the east-west
show examples
west
 of the
museum
 maintained
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 50 years.
Also
, the road that ran from South
West
 to North
West
 remained unchanged. By 2007, the national history exhibition was replaced by local history rooms and the building was expanded to add special exhibition and education rooms in the north of it. There was
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opened
Replace the word
open
show examples
museum
shops
Fix the agreement mistake
shop
show examples
 in
Add anĀ article
the south
show examples
south
Add aĀ hyphen
south-west
show examples
west
 of
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 connected to
entrance
Add anĀ article
the entrance
show examples
.
While
 the entrance hall was demolished, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
Correct article usage
an addition
show examples
addition
Replace the word
additional
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reception
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
next
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
museum
 shops.
Museum
Correct article usage
The museum
show examples
 store room in
Correct article usage
the east
show examples
east
Add aĀ hyphen
east-west
show examples
west
 was changed to
cafƩ
Correct article usage
a cafƩ
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
car
Add anĀ article
the car
show examples
 park was constructed in 2007 and it came to be opened area without
specific
Add anĀ article
a specific
show examples
 access road.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this siteā€™s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay can be improved by introducing it with a clear introductory and concluding statement: starting by briefly describing the maps and then summarizing the overall changes by adding a concluding sentence.
relevant specific examples
Consider supporting your main points with additional specific examples or details from the maps. This will help to enrich the detailed comparison between 1957 and 2007.
logical structure
You have logically structured the essay by describing the museum in both 1957 and 2007, ensuring a systematic comparison.
complete response
Your responses were mostly complete as the major changes from 1957 to 2007 for the museum and its surrounding areas have been covered.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ Ā»ā€” a book that's free for šŸš€ Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
What to do next:
Look at other essays: