many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other part of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? how to overcome it?
While
some people
think that achieving work-life balance in their life is a must , however
only a few people
can get it. In my opinion, there are several reasons involved busy
work activities and adequate Change preposition
in busy
facilities
near their house. To cope with the problems, the government should build facilities
, and the company should regularly conduct wellness programs.
As apparent, after conducting a survey to
random Change preposition
of
people
, the result is most people
must work Correct article usage
a minimumof
minimumof 8hours
every day from Monday to Friday and sometimes Correct your spelling
minimum of hours
due to
overtime which affects their tiredness and stressfulness. In addition
, there is no community and facilities
that people
can use near their residence or office, so after people
finish their work, workers choose to sleep rather than do some activity to reduce their stress. But, in the long effect that is
not good for their health condition.
Instead
of the problem, the solution is government should build wellness programs in public spaces such
as religious communities, art communities or sports facilities
, so people
can interact with others, not only building communication and trust but also
increasing networking among the citizens. On the other side, the company supports implementing a policy about employee wellness to increase the productivity of workers.
It is concluded that the aiming
goal of work-life balance is an achievable target for all Correct word choice
apply
people
despite several barriers such
as limited time and lack of facilities
. One thing which is equally important to do is effort and collaboration between people
, government and company to provide facilities
and policy properly.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Consider expanding on the causes of work-life imbalance, such as long working hours, high job pressure, and lack of personal time. Provide more detailed and specific examples to illustrate these causes.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Increase the use of linking words and cohesive devices to enhance the connection between points and ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
introduction conclusion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, encapsulating the main points effectively.
task achievement
The solution section provides practical recommendations involving the government and companies, which are relevant to the topic.
complete response
The essay addresses the question of causes and solutions, tackling both aspects as required by the prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.