IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year.

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year.
#two #show #world #energy #consumption #electricity #generation #year
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The given pie charts show
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about total global consumption and
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation for
last
Linking Words
 year, indicated as percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
oil
Use synonyms
 was consumed the most across the globe,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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coal accounted for the largest in generating
electricity
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that though
oil
Use synonyms
 mainly
use
Change the form of the verb
used
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 in several countries, yet, its application in generating
electricity
Use synonyms
 was not that promising.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a closer look at
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart presents that fossil fuels like
oil
Use synonyms
 and coal
along with
Linking Words
 gas
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for about
four fifth
Add a hyphen
four-fifth
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 of the total
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption,
while
Linking Words
 the remaining 20% were broken down into various alternative
energy
Use synonyms
 resources. At 34.3%,
oil
Use synonyms
 had the greatest percentages among all other types of
energy
Use synonyms
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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, followed by coal and Gas with approximately 10% and 5% lower, at 25.1% and 20.9%, respectively.
While
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 from combustible renewables and wastes accounted for 10.6% which was about threefold of hydro
energy
Use synonyms
 at 2.2%, Nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
 was 6.5%. With regards to
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation, coal, on
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, accounted for
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
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 ratio in creating
electricity
Use synonyms
 with nearly 40%.
Next,
Linking Words
gas was the second at roughly 20%, followed by
Hydro
Correct your spelling
hydroenergy
energy
Use synonyms
 and Nuclear
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 at 16.1% and 15.7%, respectively.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, oil, energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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