IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Competing is a way
for
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of
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 comparing some individuals.
Hence
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, some argue that it is essential in terms of self-improvement. Others believe helping each other, is a better option and can lead to better relationships between colleagues. I strongly agree with the second idea. In
this
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 essay, these two ideas will be discussed. On
one
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the one
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 hand, competitions are useful for some people who
wants
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want
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 to compare their selves with other people and be able to tolerate figuring out his/her weaknesses.
For instance
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, assume a student who is rejected in an exam.
Hence
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, he has two options.
First
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The first
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 option is to develop himself for
the
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apply
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future exams and
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second
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the second
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,
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apply
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 is to get depressed. He should evaluate whether it
Add a missing verb
is worths
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worths
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worth
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 all of those pressures or not. In some cases, it leads to
consumption
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the consumption
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 of some drugs because of the level of stress.
On the other hand
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, some people cannot deal with
adverse
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the adverse
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 consequences of
competitions
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competition
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.
Therefore
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, they prefer cooperating and being in a friendly environment.
For example
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, a manager can be in touch with his/her employees in a friendly manner.
Moreover
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, they can brainstorm when they face some catastrophic failures.
However
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, there might be some inconveniences in terms of helping, like conveying some misinformation to
manager
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the manager
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. All in all, we should assess the
situations
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situation
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. Myriads of issues can be problematic when we compete against each other. I think having a good team or someone to get help
of
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from
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, works better in most cases.
In addition
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, a healthy system can improve its members. Participating in some events and being optimistic about problems could be helpful
to develop
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in developing
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 these senses.
Submitted by aneizehbaz on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher task response rating, make sure to deepen your argument and provide more detailed examples to back up your points. Be sure that the examples clearly demonstrate the argument you are making, showing a clear cause and effect.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words to connect your ideas together. This will assist in creating a more seamless flow throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the points you have discussed.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the prompt effectively, presenting a balanced discussion before providing a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
There's a clear attempt to organize the essay into paragraphs, with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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