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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the bar graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by US teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

the bar graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by US teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #amount #type #food #teenagers #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar graph demonstrates the number of fast food consumed by American adolescents in Belle High School from 1975 to 2000.
Initially
Linking Words
, the graph covers a period of 25
years
Use synonyms
 which
span
Correct subject-verb agreement
spans
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 from 1975 to 2000. The consumption of fish and chips
figure
Verb problem
apply
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recovered from its dip in 1980
at
Change preposition
to
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 over 80,
then
Linking Words
 it emerged in 1985 at about 95.
However
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, it
then
Linking Words
 plummeted over the rest of the period
to conclude
Linking Words
 with just under 40 in 2000.
Although
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, hamburgers utilisation soared through the initial
years
Use synonyms
, beginning at about 10,
then
Linking Words
 approximately 95 in 1990 where it begins to level off.
Moreover
Linking Words
, hamburgers number soared
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 1990 when it began to stabilize, yet the little
increament
Correct your spelling
increase
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 it to reach over 100 by the year 2000.
Further
Linking Words
 analysing the paragraph, pizzas share similar behaviour as hamburgers. The number of pizzas consumed by US youngsters in 1975 was just about 10.
Whereas
Linking Words
, by the following
years
Use synonyms
 it rose to approximately 10 numbers per annum,
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 1995 when it began to stabilize.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph shows an opposite trend between fast food utilisation of three different meals. It can be seen that hamburger is the favourite fast food among high-schoolers and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 utilisation has gotten a sharp rise over the time span of 20
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "soared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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