Topic: Some sociologists say that, it is a waste of time for students to pursue secondary education for 12 years. It is better to shorten it to 9 years only, then go to vocational school to learn a skill applied in their jobs or go to university to get a degree. To what extent do you agree with this?
Somepople
argue that the duration of compulsory Correct your spelling
People
education
is way too long these day
and Change the determiner
this day
these days
this
does not give actual soultion
to Correct your spelling
solution
solutions
chilren
about Correct your spelling
children
there
future. So It is better for them to make it short. Replace the word
their
However
, I firmly believe The
basal Correct article usage
apply
education
is really important to grow the children
's view about their life. This
is a more persuasive argument than the former for some reasons.
On the on
hand. They think that The longer primary Correct your spelling
one
education
, The more through
Change preposition
apply
the
time and money Correct article usage
apply
out
. Because Rephrase
they have
children
must have social experience and grow their personal strength to improve themsleves
, Correct your spelling
themselves
while
education
councill
Correct your spelling
council
theach
Correct your spelling
teaches
children
the same basic academic theory to everyone. For example
, To make strong
personality Correct article usage
a strong
and
Correct word choice
apply
diffrent
from Correct your spelling
different
other
, It is essential for students to leave the rigid class and get their own perspective and journey.
Fix the agreement mistake
others
In contrast
, It is clear that
there is a supposed process to reach the goal. This
is like a stair, So we should climb it one by one. before children
choose thier
future Correct your spelling
their
study
, they must Fix the agreement mistake
studies
done
at least Change the verb form
do
fundermental
subjects to choose Correct your spelling
financial
better
choice. Correct article usage
a better
Additioanlly
, It is likely to take 12 Correct your spelling
Additionally
years
I believe, because the ability of people's brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
extend
from about 8 Change the verb form
extends
years
old to 20 years
old. Following
this
, 12 years
is the minimum years
of learing
in elementary school to expect them to get basic intelligence.
In conclusion, It is apparent that Correct your spelling
learning
Shorten
the year for compulsory school Wrong verb form
Shortening
benefit
to Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
minimalize
the time to reach their simple goal, Verb problem
minimise
while
it cause
the weaken their knowledge about the classic academic concepts and life.Change the verb form
causes
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grammar
Work on minimizing spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and comprehension.
examples
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument and back up your points effectively.
support
Ensure all main points presented are well developed and supported throughout the essay.
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task
You've tackled both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
coherence
There is a logical progression of ideas which helps guide the reader through the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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