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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
The topic of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of using modern
technology
 has been controversial. Some
people
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 can make
people
 stay in touch,
whereas
 I agree with those who think that it can drive us apart. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, it is
common
Change the adjective
commonly
show examples
beleived
Correct your spelling
believed
believe
 that using modern
technology
 can bring
people
 together. The most important reason is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 is a powerful tool to engage
people
 because there are several functions and features to use.
Moreover
,
people
 can easily communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other without occupying
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same area.
For example
,
according to
 the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University, Thailand, it was revealed that 80% of workers in Bangkok intend to change new mobile phones every
quater
Correct your spelling
quarter
 that phone
poviders
Correct your spelling
providers
 launch their new products.
This
 means that
people
 will acquire the latest updated
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 in their new cell phones.
This
 example shows that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 plays a major role in the life of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it seems to me that
technology
 can drive
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 apart. The most significant reason is the fact that
people
 lower participate
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one another because they
Add a missing verb
are addict
show examples
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to
technology
 ,and it is a part of their everyday
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To illustrate
this
, in recent news, it has been reported that human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 nowadays
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 too much time on their phones
instead
 of
comunicating
Correct your spelling
communicating
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to
show examples
 face even when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 together. I agree with
this
 point because
technology
 completely influences
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life. In conclusion, having considered both sides of
this
 topic,
although
 using modern
technology
 can bring
people
 together, I agree with those who think that
people
 can lose their connection with others.
Submitted by chachiiaom on

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grammatical accuracy
To ensure a more polished essay, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, such as "comunity" instead of "community" and "beleived" instead of "believed."
task achievement
While you have provided examples, adding more varied and specific examples would further enrich your argument.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely, which can enhance the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both viewpoints regarding the impact of technology on human connections, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly aligned with your thesis statement, providing a coherent flow to your arguments.
task achievement
The use of real-life examples and statistics helps support the main points and adds credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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