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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: People aim to keep a balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome? Write at least 250 words

#minutes #topic #people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
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These days, there are fewer
people
 who can achieve the lifestyle that requires them to strike a
balance
 between career and other dimensions of their lives.
This
 essay will elaborate on the disadvantages in the pursuit of
this
 objective, and propose possible solutions to overcome these
problems
. To embark on, there are manifold
problems
 that
people
 may deal with when they try to
balance
 their
work
 and personal
life
.
Firstly
, it is arduous to manage
work
 alongside other
life
 responsibilities. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
 performance at
work
 and a perfect organisation for personal
life
 demand
people
 a great of
time
 and effort.
Also
, it is evident that maintaining a
balance
 between
work
 and other
life
 activities means that
people
 have to allocate more
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 various areas of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
instead
 of
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
. The fear of not catching an unwind
time
 hinders
people
 from finding a
balance
 between
work
 and
life
.
Furthermore
, the pressure from the workplace can make
people
 exhausted, so they have no energy left for other
life
 aspects.
Therefore
, the idea of harmonizing
work
 and personal
life
 can drive
people
 extremely stressed, and overwhelmed.
However
, many solutions could be taken to eradicate these
problems
. First of all, the government and professors should give more speeches on the benefits of achieving the
balance
 between
work
 duties and
life
 activities, in order to raise
people
’s awareness about it.
For instance
,
people
 should be suggested that spending
time
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their families and friends after
work
 can strengthen their bonds with families and friends.
Secondly
,
people
 should form a habit of making a timetable, which can help them manage
time
 effectively, so they don’t have to be afraid of being snowed under with
work
 but
also
 have
time
 for the other aspects of their lives. In conclusion, it is tough to achieve equilibrium between
work
 and
life
 activities,
due to
 the various
problems
people
 can face when trying to achieve
this
.
Nevertheless
, these
problems
 can be solved if
people
’s awareness is raised properly, and they alter to better habits.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your points. This will enhance the depth and clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in tone and vocabulary usage throughout the essay to improve clarity and cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear understanding of the topic and summarizing your points well.
task achievement
You've addressed different aspects of the problem and proposed practical solutions, showing a good grasp of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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