IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the care of elderly people should be a priority of government spending. Others believe that government spending should focus more on young people, especially on their education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #care #priority #government #focus #education
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To manage
Change the verb form
Managing
show examples
 the resources and how to spend them on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 of different
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 contentious issue that needs remarkable
attention
.
Plethora
Correct article usage
A Plethora
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 of
people
 believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should consider young
people
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that old
people
 should be given more
attention
.
This
esseay
Correct your spelling
essay
 will elucidate both sides in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
 with,young
people
 play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role in the growth of the nation.They are the
people
 of strong nerves who with a minute
attention
Change preposition
of attention
show examples
 can make the system
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
prosper .
Government
 should facilitate them by allocating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
funds,
government
 should initiate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schemes that help them to establish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
start ups
Add a hyphen
start-ups
show examples
 which in turn would thrive the businesses and would
eliviate
Correct your spelling
eliminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
joblessness.
For instance
,the countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the youth have less poverty than others.
An other
Correct your spelling
Another
show examples
 heated argument in
this
 regard is that Young minds and brains need more funds than older ones because they are in the process of
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggling
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various types like education and
then
 later on business so these policies of
government
 would reduce their problems substantially. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
,There is another
group
 who think that old
people
 are
Correct article usage
a volunerable
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volunerable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
 part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and are not able to earn
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 livelihood so it is the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to take care of them.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should render their services and should spend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old homes,
better
Correct word choice
and better
show examples
 health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and should give free treatment to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
such
age
group
 citizens. In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 children leave their parents
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 older
age
 so in that
senario
Correct your spelling
scenario
government
 is responsible for their food and residence .
Hence
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 them over the
yougesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 because their
age
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not allow them to suffer for their survival.
To conclude
 ,I believe that all
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
people
 need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
 to survive but if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 pay
attention
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh and energetic minds they in turn would help the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 to generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
revenue which
finally
 can be utilized for the
enire
Correct your spelling
entire
 society so in my opinion youth need more budget because they will make
this
 investment to multiply rather than just using
this
 amount for a meal.
Submitted by shehzadarshad976 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs for better coherence. Using more linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of ideas by avoiding overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader. Ensuring each idea is clearly and succinctly communicated will aid comprehensibility.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to substantiate your points. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a deeper analysis of the topic.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers both perspectives, discussing the needs of both young and elderly populations.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
The argument presented in favor of government spending on young people is well-articulated, highlighting their role in economic growth and job creation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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