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Band 3.5

It is important for people to tale risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks overweigh the disadvantages?

#people #tale #risk #lives #risks #overweigh
Taking
risks
 is
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 in both professional and personal aspects of people's lives.
While
 that may lead to failures in some points, I believe,
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 benefits that it brings
woulds
Correct your spelling
would
 seem far more significant in comparison. One of the positives in dealing with
risks
 in both professional and personal
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 is stepping out from comfort zone, which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the main barrier on the way to being successful. In my opinion, people should take
risks
 to give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
room for improvement, as every failure brings with
itself
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 valuable experience and personal growth. Taking
risks
 not only helps you understand your potential, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 opens up new opportunities that might never have been possible if you stayed within your comfort zone.
Other
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Another
show examples
 benefit of daring a try is you don't have a chance of being regretful or overthinking
of
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apply
show examples
how would it be if you dared;
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if you never try, you will never know the outcome. In conclusion,
while
 taking
risks
 may involve uncertainty and potential failures, the rewards—both in personal development and professional success—are far more significant. By stepping out of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 comfort zone, overcoming the fear of failure, and learning from every experience, individuals can achieve more than they ever thought possible.
Therefore
, I believe that taking
risks
 is essential for growth and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 in life.
Submitted by khudiyeva17 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to substantiate your points. For instance, mention real-life scenarios or personal anecdotes where taking a risk has led to a significant outcome, either positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, make sure the progression of ideas is interconnected. For instance, you might create stronger ties between the risks taken and their resultant benefits by elaborating on each example's impact.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your stance on the importance of taking risks, setting a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have an effective conclusion summarizing your main points, which emphasizes the resultant benefits of risk-taking and encourages overcoming fears.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow, with ideas that lead smoothly into one another, enhancing readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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