The graph below shows the population for India and China since the year 200 and predicts population growth until 2050.

The line graph illustrates the information about India's and China's citizen growth since 2000 and the estimation of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
growth until 2050.
Overall
,
Indian
Add an article
the Indian
show examples
population
is predicted to increase continuously over the next 50 years,
whereas
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
population
is forecasted to fall
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In 2000, the number of Indian
people
was 1,000
billion
which
less
Add a missing verb
is less
show examples
than the number of Chinese
people
approximately 250
billion
. In the next two decades, the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
in both countries were
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
show examples
of high up. It can be clearly seen that the
population
in India rose sharply to 1,200 and 1,300
billion
in 2010 and 2020 in order.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
the residents in China steadily climbed up to 1,350 and 1,400
billion
in the same period as well. Incidentally, the
Population
Division of the United Nations source shows the figures of India’s and China’s
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
which might increase and overlap at the equilibrium point around 1,410
billion
in 2030.
Although
the number of Chinese
people
in 2040 may remain the same as in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
decade,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it may
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a minor change which decline to 1,400
billion
in 2050.
In Contrast
, there may
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
a major change in the quantities of Indian
people
which
high
Rephrase
will reach
show examples
up to 1,400
billion
in 2040 and reach a peak at 1,600
billion
by 2050.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, people, billion with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: