IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teachign sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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 believe that free
community
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service
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 should be a compulsory
part
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 of
high
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the high
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school
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 curriculum.
Such
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 as working for a charity, improving
neighbourhood
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the neighbourhood
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 or teaching sports to younger children. I completely agree with
this
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 viewpoint because taking
part
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 in an unpaid
community
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service
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 helps
students
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 to
practice
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 teamwork and it enhances their empathy. Compulsory voluntary
community
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service
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 in
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school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 curriculum helps
students
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 to
practice
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 teamwork. They learn
skills
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requiring
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required
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 for working in a team. They learn to respect the opinions of others,
Correct word choice
and take
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take
Correct your spelling
make
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a
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apply
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shared
decision
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decisions
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while
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 working in a team. These
skills
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 are useful for their future professional careers.
For example
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,
school
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 curriculums in Australia make it mandatory for the
students
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 to take
part
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 in neighbourhood gardening. These curriculums develop the
skills
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 of
students
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 to work in a group, and
this
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practice
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 helps in their future professional lives.
Moreover
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, working in
community
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service
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 without payment helps
students
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 to build empathy. They become sensible human beings
,
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apply
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 and show kindness towards others. Because
while
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 providing free
service
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 in a charity or in a neighbourhood, they connect with less fortunate
people
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. They become empathetic to poor
people
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 and
this
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help
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helps
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 them to become sensible human beings.
For instance
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,
school
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students
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 in Bangladesh take
part
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 in distributing food to
impoverish
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impoverished
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people
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 as a
part
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 of their
school
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 syllabus.
This
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practice
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 makes them good human beings and they learn to show
respecta
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respect
nd
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and
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 kindness to them.
To conclude
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,
school
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students
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 should take
part
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 in compulsory free
community
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 work.
This
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practice
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 makes them empathetic and increases their group work
skills
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Improve sentence variety and reduce repetition for better fluency.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address counterarguments or opposing viewpoints for a more balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Well-organized essay with clear introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The essay provides specific examples from real-world contexts.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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