IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Essay topics: The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#topics #government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
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There is no denying the fact that
Correct article usage
the grovernment
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grovernment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 several investments and projects that could be improved our country.
While
 It is a commonly held belief that some
people
 think expenditure in arts, music and theatre is a waste of cost and time, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that it is a beneficial factor for our society.
To begin
 with, plenty of
people
 are desired by their hobbies and they don't have a lot of money to spend on their hobbies.
In other words
, recently, enormous artists and singers have become a significant part of
Correct article usage
the economica
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economica
Correct your spelling
economic
 movement,
however
, the government has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good planning and a sufficient budget for these kinds of events.
In addition
, it is a waste of money on one condition ,like they do not have a fan or audience for their shows.
For example
, if the government has more concentrate on their work ,we will be able to see these talents
as well as
 we can
embarce
Correct your spelling
embrace
 huge events. Another point to consider, governments definitely control public services. It is
also
 possible to say that, developing and advancing regions are competent of how to boost entertainment and at the same time funding other sectors ,like education and transport.
Moreover
, expanding the region contributed to economic growth in both areas.
For instance
, America has a significant economic development ,
as well as
 they focus on talented young
people
 ,like being a celebrity or an actor tan their field. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that the government should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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use all their efforts to improve all aspects of society.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, refer to actual governmental arts programs and their impacts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and build consistently upon that. Avoid detours that can confuse readers.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the opposing viewpoints, setting the stage for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the importance of government's role in balancing investments across various sectors, including arts and public services.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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