In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent decades, the life
expectacy
rate has become higher among so many societies. Correct your spelling
expectancy
This
development raises a controversial debate, whether
an Change preposition
about whether
aging
population carries more advantages or Change the spelling
ageing
in contrast
, it has more disadvantages. In my opinion, although
elderly people can bring an important advantage to the
society, they can Correct article usage
apply
also
cause several challenges.
As a matter of fact, old individuals are more experienced than young people, as they worked for years and gained valuable knowledge. Therefore
, they can share their experiences and special techniques with young experts and train them in specific fields, helping new-comers
to perform better Correct your spelling
newcomers
at
their careers. Change preposition
in
Thus
, these precious work methods can be passed through generations in an ideal way.
Despite this
crucial advantage, there are a couple of disadvantages that can be mentioned. Primarily, a huge amount of money is required to be allocated to providing appropriate care for old members of a
society. Remove the article
apply
Moreover
, elderly poeple
cannot work to help the economy to grow. Not only they do not make money, helping the wheel of Correct your spelling
people
industry
to spin, Add an article
the industry
they
need an excessive amount of budget to take care of. Add the word(s)
but they also
In other words
, old people may cause the government to cope with potential financial difficulties.
In conclusion, societies with a high population of old members mostly face challenges, such
as allocating a high amount of funding to taking
care of them and Wrong verb form
take
also
their disability to work, causing an
economic growth, rather than benefits. Remove the article
apply
However
, there is an essential advantage that can't be ignored: they are full of useful experiences which can be beneficial for younger workforces to learn.Submitted by ava.saljoughi on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to clearly connect points between paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to back up your main arguments, particularly regarding the economic impact.
task achievement
Use a slightly more formal tone throughout the essay to enhance clarity and sophistication.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The main points of both advantages and disadvantages are well-articulated, showing a balanced approach to the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focused on a distinct aspect of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.